Lee Steps Up
by TamSibling
Summary: Part 4 of 4 - Demetrius. Part 3 of 4 - New Caprica. Part 2 of 4 - Scar. Part 1 of 4 - Colonial Day, 2-chapters. What if Lee had stepped up at pivotal moments in his relationship with Kara? Lee:Kara, shippy goodness. Part 1 - NC-17. Parts 2, 3 & 4 - PG-13
1. Colonial Day: Part 1

SERIES: **Lee Adama Steps Up** – Part 1 of 4

Title: Colonial Day

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: M (NC-17)

Disclaimer: I don't own it, really. I know, it's hard to believe that a poor grad student with no Hollywood connections wouldn't own this amazing franchise, but alas, that is the sad truth.

Summary: Takes place during/after the episode "Colonial Day" Season 1

A/N: So, here's the deal. I've been thinking about some pivotal moments in Lee and Kara's relationship lately and I got this idea: What if, at any of those moments, Lee had stepped up to the plate?

What if he hadn't abandoned her during the dance? What if he'd gone after her after the bunkroom scene in "Scar?" What if he'd confronted her after learning of her marriage to Anders on New Caprica? What if he'd turned down the post on the Quorum and traveled with her on the Demetrius?

As a result, I decided to write each of these little scenarios. And this is the first one. It takes place during and after the "Colonial Day" episode in Season 1. It's two parts.

I suspect that the others, save the one on New Caprica, will be one to two parts as well. The New Caprica "Lee Steps Up" is already shaping up to be a multi-chapter, heavy AU fic, so strap yourselves in for that one kiddies!

I really hope you like these fics and my little "what if" imaginings. So much of the angst in their relationship could have been avoided if Lee had just put on his big boy pants and taken a stand. But, that's Lee and that's Lee and Kara and we love them regardless.

Please read and respond, as comments are food to the fic writer and I've been very hungry lately. I'm not sure when I'll get to the others, although the "Scar" one has pretty much written itself, but I haven't committed it to computer yet, so it'll take a bit. I'll hope you'll stay with them.

Yours in Lee/Kara Shipp-iness,

TamSibling

---- ----

Lee had been certain this would never happen. He had never thought he'd have Kara this close, her hand in his, his hand on her waist, her cheek resting against his as they swayed lazily to the music being piped through the lounge's speakers.

He had just never thought—no, never allowed himself to hope—that he and Kara might one day get to this place. The place where recriminations and snark and insults took a backseat to enjoying one another's company.

To say he'd been surprised to see her dressed up to the nines, make-up and hair and a dress that highlighted every curve she owned, offering him the very tangible image of his own Aphrodite, would be an understatement. So, of course, he'd said something stupid about her knees, which had not been the body part that grabbed most of his attention. But she'd smiled and winked and given a little shimmy of her hips and then Lee had pulled her onto the dance floor and there they had stayed for the last six songs. And if Lee had anything to say about it, they'd stay for the rest of the night.

The music changed, switching from one slow song to another and Lee breathed a silent sigh of relief. He really didn't want a reason to pull away from Kara; to lose the feel of her soft skin against his, or the way her body fit perfectly along his. Instead, he pulled their joined hands into his chest and pulled her just a tad closer.

Kara sighed and he felt her breath brush past the shell of his ear. He fought the shudder that raced through him, wondering how far this night might go. Wondering if he should take her appearance and her willingness to dance with him as anything more than just Kara getting dolled up for the party.

It seemed they had been dancing around this for the past few weeks. In truth, they had been dancing around it long before. There had always been something between him and Kara, even when she was with Zak. Neither of them had ever acted on it, ever admitted to it, but Lee felt it every time his gaze met hers, every time they shared a laugh, every time he gave her a quick peck on the cheek or a hug. Their connection was more than just physical attraction, more than just two people sharing similar interests—their connection was lodged somewhere deep in Lee's soul and he knew that to be without Kara, to truly lose her, he'd lose a large piece of himself.

But could he take the risk? Could they? Their friendship was strong, stronger now than ever, but if they crossed that last line, if they allowed their unspoken attraction to give way to something real, would they survive it? Lee figured there was a fifty-fifty chance that he and Kara would either be absolutely perfect or destroy each other in a brilliant explosion.

He liked those odds.

She sighed softly again and Lee concentrated more on staying in the moment. With hand splayed against her lower back, he guided her around the dance floor assuredly.

"What do ya think, Captain? We gonna get in trouble for breaking regs?" she murmured, a teasing lilt to her voice that brought a smile to Lee's lips.

"Nah, I'm just dancing with my best pilot." He brushed his lips against her temple and then brought them to rest right at her ear. "One of the perks of the job."

She snorted slightly with laughter and leaned back to meet his gaze, eyes sparkling. Lee's breath caught in his chest at her unbelievable beauty. "For you or for me?"

Lee tilted his head to the side as if considering and then answered with a grin, "How 'bout we call it a draw?"

Kara's smile deepened and she nodded. "Deal."

Just as Lee was about to pull her close once more, he heard the soft sound of someone clearing their throat. "Uh, excuse me?"

Lee suppressed the immediate groan he felt and turned to face the speaker, Kara doing the same.

Doctor Gaius Baltar, newly elected vice president, gave them both an oily grin, nodding in Kara's direction, before again addressing Lee. "I wonder Captain, if I might cut in?"

His hand immediately tightened its hold on Kara's. _No, she's mine, you slimy, insane, sex-starved bastard_, he wanted to scream. But years of military protocol and not a little common sense kept him from uttering those exact words.

"Well, it's up to Kara," Lee answered instead, turning to face her with a tight smile on his features. _Say no, say no, say no_, he chanted in his head hoping Kara might miraculously hear him.

Instead she looked from Lee to Baltar and back again and then gave the doctor the biggest and most fake smile Lee had ever seen. Baltar, however, not knowing Kara Thrace even one sixteenth as well as Lee, assumed she was truly happy to switch partners.

"Of course, Mr. Vice President," she said cheerfully, offering Lee's hand a quick squeeze before slipping out of his arms and stepping toward Baltar. Flashing her gaze back to Lee, he saw a hint of panic as she added, "I guess that would be the _proper_ thing to do."

Lee nodded once, holding her gaze, trying to tell her silently that he'd be back. Kara seemed satisfied and allowed the doctor to take her hand. Lee watched closely as Baltar put his arm around Kara and had to choke back a laugh at the way she locked her arms to keep the good doctor from getting too close.

_That's my girl_, Lee thought and headed off the dance floor, stopping abruptly as he hit the edge. My girl? Really? When had he begun to think of Kara that way? Lee headed towards the bar, feeling a deep need for a stiff drink. He didn't know if he had the guts to act on these feelings that were apparently growing stronger by the second.

Tonight would be the perfect time, right? They weren't on duty, they weren't in any immediate danger, thank the Gods. This was supposed to be fun, a break from all the hell of the past few weeks, a reminder that life and home and tradition were still valued in the face of such unbelievable tragedy.

He ordered a shot of ambrosia and downed it quickly.

"Better take it easy there, son."

He startled slightly as his father leaned beside him on the bar, nursing his own drink. "I'd hate to have to throw the CAG into the brig for drunk and disorderly."

Lee was glad he'd already swallowed, because he was sure he would have choked on his drink, as his father would have far more reason to throw him in the brig for breaking the frat regs.

"I promise to not get carried away," he answered instead, turning to look over the room, his elbows leaning back on the bar. His father mirrored his posture and they stood that way in silence for a few minutes.

Of course, Lee's eyes immediately found Kara. He could see the slight tension in her shoulders as she danced with Baltar. He smirked. He hadn't felt any tension in her body when she'd been dancing with him.

He stiffened for a moment as the doctor leaned toward her, whispering something in her ear that Lee knew had to be inappropriate. But with a small laugh, Kara leaned back from him, reaffirming her personal space. Lee turned back to the bar and ordered another, downing it just as fast as the first before gazing back at the party.

"She looks beautiful tonight." His father's gravelly voice wasn't difficult to hear despite the din that surrounded them.

Like a magnet, Lee's eyes were back on Kara, watching the way her dress flowed over her body, tracing the lines of blue chiffon tied at her wrists and up her back. He had a brief flash of standing before, undoing those ribbons, dropping kisses onto her exposed skin. The thought colored his cheeks and he straightened, trying to distract himself for that train of thought.

"Yes, she does," he answered, eyes still on Kara and the vice president, who was still trying to dance too close.

Lee stared at them for a few more seconds and then felt the intense gaze of his father. Glancing quickly to his side, he noticed the commander was indeed studying him. It made him decidedly uncomfortable.

"What's going on between the two of you, son?" Bill leaned closer and Lee slanted his eyes away, having no idea how to answer the question.

"I don't know what you mean, dad. Kara and I are—"

"Friends, yes, I know. So you've told me often enough." Adama's eyes drifted back to the dance floor and Lee followed his gaze finding Kara once again front and center in his attention. "But I think there's more to it than that. And I'm wondering why you can't admit it?"

Mouth agape, Lee turned to his father. He blinked once, twice and then finally found his voice. "Why? There are a million reasons why Kara and I can't be together," he stated, lowering his voice as he realized someone might overhear. "If there was something between us, it would be the worst idea ever to act on it. Surely as my commander you agree with that?"

His father nodded solemnly, edging closer to him and placing a hand to his arm. "As your commander, I do." Lee felt his heart sink to his feet. He'd known that would be his answer, but it still disheartened him to know he could never act on his feelings for Kara.

"But as your father," Adama continued, giving Lee's arm a slight squeeze. "I honestly can't think of anything I'd like more than to see my two children happy."

The sound of Kara's laugh reached them and both men were drawn to the sound, finding her radiant and dazzling in the middle of the floor. "And something tells me that you can make her happy, son."

Gods, Lee wanted that to be true. "Dad, there's just—"

"I'm fully aware of the obstacles, Lee." His father's voice drifted away and Lee caught sight of his gaze that was now firmly resting on their president, standing amidst a circle of advisors. "I know it's difficult, I know there's a history there, but son."

His father turned back to him and Lee saw genuine concern shining in his eyes. "But I'd hate to think you missed out on something because you were afraid." Lee swallowed hard, suddenly finding the decking at his feet very interesting. His father clapped a hand to his shoulder and bent close to add, "Sometimes, you gotta let your instincts take over."

He gave the shoulder a rough squeeze before pulling away, heading over to where the president was still sequestered with a group of officials. Lee watched him go, once he was certain the red color in his cheeks had faded somewhat.

Could it be that easy? Act on instinct? It was not Lee's normal way of being. His father knew that, Starbuck knew that—hell, most of the fleet knew that. By-the-book Apollo who never broke a rule, never flouted regulations, never did anything that could even be construed as out of line.

Except when it came to Kara. His eyes guilty drifted back to her like a moth to the flame. The music had picked up and he was glad to see she and doctor were no longer holding hands, but moving to the faster beat separately.

When she had disappeared on that red planet, what else could explain Lee's actions but instinct? He had known she was alive, he had known it in his gut and it was that knowledge, that sense that had told him not to give up. There was no other explanation for it, but instinct.

This was ridiculous. Lee straightened his shoulders, ready to go and bail Starbuck out, ready to once again take Kara in his arms and maybe more. As he took his first determined step toward her Racetrack and Boomer intercepted him.

"Sir, we were wondering if you might settle a bet for us?"

Their cheeks were flushed a bit pink, no doubt from one too many drinks, but they both smiled warmly at him. Lee smiled back, noting that half of the squadron was standing not too far off, apparently eager to know his answer as well.

"Sure, Lieutenant. What can I do for you?"

With a big grin, Racetrack linked her arm through his while Boomer took the other and they steered him toward his pilots. "Well, it's really a two-fold question, sir."

Lee spared one last longing look toward Kara hoping this wouldn't take long.

---- ----

Okay, really. Enough was enough. Where the frak was Lee?

Kara did understand etiquette and protocol. She rarely abided either, but she comprehended the concepts and how important both were to military life. However, being groped for three of the last four songs by the Colonies' newest vice president wasn't in any rulebook she had ever read.

The music had turned slow once more and with a lascivious grin, Baltar had reached for her again, pulling her tight to his body—his very aroused body. Kara did her best to feign vague interest, but she hadn't gotten dressed up for this crazy mother frakker. She'd gotten dressed up for … well, she didn't really want to admit it, but his name started with an "L" and ended with "ee."

Glancing over the doctor's shoulder, Kara scanned the ballroom for her wayward escort. She had glimpsed him at least two songs ago, sequestered by the squad, being paid an awful lot of attention by Boomer and Racetrack. She had watched Maggie's hand slide into the crook of his arm. Kara had been embarrassed to feel her body tensing, her heart starting to race with a familiar and unsettling feeling of jealousy, before Lee surreptitiously extricated himself.

Now, he was nowhere to be seen and Kara was more determined then ever to kill him. He thought the water hose was bad? He had no idea.

"Oh, Lieutenant." Baltar's sing-songy voice pulled her back to the unpleasant moment and she plastered yet another fake grin on her features. Her cheeks were starting to hurt from all this smiling. "Who are you looking for?"

"No one," she shrugged, listening as the music droned on. Gods, didn't this song ever end?

"Good, I'd hate to think I was boring you." Baltar smiled and then Kara felt the hand at the small of her back drift again.

Clenching her jaw, she reached behind her and gripped his hand tight, stopping their sway and holding his gaze. "Vice president or not," she intoned softly, squeezing his fingers even tighter. "This hand goes south one more time and I'll blow it off."

She released his hand, now resting well above her waist and offered the doctor another brilliant grin. "Yes, of course, Lieutenant. No offense intended."

She inclined her head in acceptance of the apology, but didn't say anything else. As the song finally faded, she decided that, propriety or no, she was ending this.

Stepping away from him as they clapped in appreciation of the music selection, Kara faked a limp. "I'm sorry, Mr. Vice President," she said, leaning down to rub her still bruised knee. "It seems this dancing has bothered my injury. I'm afraid I'm going to have to sit this one out."

"Oh, well, let me help you to a chair—"

As he reached out to place his slimy hands on her, Kara glared. "No. Thanks. I got it."

Then she turned and headed off the dance floor, keeping up the limp, which actually wasn't much of a fake. The truth was these heels and all the dancing had aggravated her knee and now that she was aware of it, it really hurt. Frak.

Taking a seat in the nearest chair that was out of Baltar's direct line of sight, she flagged down a waiter and ordered two shots of ambrosia. He brought them promptly and Kara gave him a flirty smile, wondering if he might do for a quick frak.

She upended both shots in quick succession and the waiter flitted off.

No. She didn't want a quick frak and she definitely didn't want it with some stranger. She wanted … Hell, what did she want? It wasn't as if it were a question Kara asked or answered very often. Her wants had long ago taken a backseat to her mother's rage and then her own ambition. As the years passed, her wants were again subjugated by grief and remorse and finally, by regret.

Kara Thrace hadn't allowed herself to want anything other than a good cigar and a stiff drink for quite a while.

And then Lee Adama showed up and frakked with her entire universe. It wasn't enough that she'd suffered the loss of the Colonies and almost the entirety of her squad in one day. It wasn't even enough that Tigh had taunted her into a fight and she'd been cooling her heels in hack when everything had gone down.

Nope, apparently none of that was enough for the Gods who decided that what Kara really needed was to have Lee come waltzing back into her life, looking gods damned sexy and ridiculously frakkable.

It's not like these feelings—or observations—were new. Kara and Lee had flirted a dangerous line since Zak had introduced them. For the year leading up to his accident, she and her fiance's brother had run together, flown together, studied together. And then, after the accident, they had almost … what? _Grieved_ together?

But it hadn't been grief that compelled Kara to act so recklessly that night. The night of Zak's funeral when she'd barely been able to see through her tear-swollen eyes and her haze of grief; the night when Lee had shown up at her door, asking if she was okay, wanting to check on her and she had thrown herself into his arms, allowing her tears to come for the first time since she'd heard the news.

Allowing herself to kiss him as she'd wanted to do for months; allowing him to kiss her back. Almost allowing it to go farther.

She shook the memory away, fighting the soft pulse it caused between her legs. No one could get her going like Lee. The intensity of his gaze, the assuredness of his touch, the ridiculous beauty of his body—it was all too much for her and Kara had foolishly believed that over the past few weeks they might be building towards something more. Something not borne out of grief or guilt. Something they could actually, finally, have.

And yet, here she was, sitting at a party, looking amazing … and drinking alone.

She ordered another round of shots and downed them again, before rising slowly and heading for the door.

Frak Lee Adama and his frakking cowardice. She didn't need it.

---- ----

Lee had no idea how this had happened. He'd been steered away from Kara for over an hour and now as he hurried back into the ballroom from his latest distraction—a request from his father to speak with a lieutenant about a supply issue—he couldn't find her.

He spotted the vice president almost immediately, releasing a small sigh of relief when he saw the man was no longer holding Kara a little too close. He'd found some other female, who seemed much more open to his advances and Lee wished him Gods speed. Kara was his anyway.

Lee shook his head, even as his eyes scanned the room. He needed to stop thinking that way. Kara was no one's; she had made that abundantly clear on quite a few occasions and he wasn't stupid enough to believe that just because he wanted to frak her, he was going to change her. She was Kara, Starbuck and Lee knew there was no changing her. Her spirit was immovable.

Damn it. Where was she?

Lee circled the outer rim of the room, glancing to the tables. A waiter passed, and he stopped him. He gave a quick description of Kara and the guy instantly knew who he meant.

"Yeah, she ordered some shots and then headed out." He pointed toward one of the back doors to the hall. "Out that way, 'bout five minutes ago."

"Thanks." Lee was already five feet away and fought the urge to run to the exit. As he all but stumbled into the hall, he halted, seeing Kara leaning against the wall not far from the door, shoes in one hand while her other rubbed her knee.

She glanced up sharply at his less than graceful entrance. "Apollo. You scared me."

Gods, she was beautiful. Even pissed at him, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. "Sorry." He approached her and then halted noting the distant look on her face. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She shrugged and waved the high heels in his face. "But these are not so good for a busted knee. Keep that mind."

"I will." He smiled and then took another step toward her, ready to wrap his arm around her waist and offer to help her back to a shuttle, when her next question stopped him.

"Where the frak did you go?"

She sounded so vulnerable, in that moment, it caught Lee off guard. Trying to from an answer, he thought for a second and then glanced to her, breath catching in his throat as she lifted those hazel eyes to him; eyes full of doubt and longing and a hint of pain, as well as a touch of anger.

He couldn't think and he couldn't speak, so he did the only thing he had left in his power. He approached her, closing the distance between them in three steps, cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her.

It wasn't the most gentle of kisses, but it wasn't harsh either, it was just there. His lips controlled hers, pressing against her, drinking in the taste and smell of this woman who haunted his sleeping and waking dreams. She gasped and he took the opportunity to run his tongue along her bottom lip before delving into the warm heat of her mouth. She stiffened for a second and then sighed against him, her hands coming to rest against his chest as she deepened the kiss.

Lee hadn't known perfection until this moment, he was sure of it. Kissing her was beyond anything he had ever imagined and he pulled her close, one hand at the small of the back, the other weaved into her soft hair, cradling the back of her head. He distantly heard the clatter of her shoes hitting the deck as she wound her arms around his neck and pulled their bodies flush.

He gasped and pulled away, unable to breath or think of anything beyond the feel of Kara's soft body against his. He already felt his arousal growing stiff and he knew she could feel it too. With a wicked grin, she shimmied her hips closer, rubbing him just so and Lee gasped once more before crashing his lips over hers. Two could play that game.

His hand on her back drifted slowly, purposefully down her backside, over the soft, tight curve of her ass and toward the top of her leg. With the barest of movements, he pressed her against the wall and lifted her hip slightly. She got the message and soon had her leg hooked up around his waist, bringing their groins into even more intimate contact and causing Lee to lose even more reason.

She would more than likely be the death of him—and he didn't give a frak.

Her lips broke away first this time, traveling swiftly along his jaw and nipping all the way. Lee's body shuddered as her teeth and tongue found the pulse point in his neck and sucked boldly. That was going to leave a mark.

"K … Kara," he panted, unable to believe how close he was to release despite the fact they were fully clothed.

"Mmm." Her lips made a delicious humming sound against his skin.

With more will power than Lee had ever guessed he possessed, he grabbed her by the shoulders and leaned back slightly, meeting her heavy, desire-filled eyes with his own. "We are not going to frak in this hallway."

Kara grinned, that same sexy smile she had fixed him with when he'd first seen her at the bar and then coyly looked up and down the deserted corridor. "Ain't nobody here, but us pilots," she breathed, her hands working into the hair at the base of his scalp and causing another delicious shiver to roll through him. "Seems as good a place as any."

_Think, Lee. Think._ He was thinking all right, just not with his brain.

Taking one more deep breath, he stepped back from her fully, more than aware of his own discomfort as his pants had all but tented before him. He glanced back to her and saw the most delectable pout on her face.

Which led to another five minutes of breathless kissing, before he managed to pant, "There is a _much_ better place."

Leaning down, he grabbed her shoes and then offered her his arm, which she took with a wide smile that made his stomach flutter. "Come on," he told her, placing a kiss into her hair and then moving as fast as her knee would allow.

---- ----


	2. Colonial Day: Part 2

Series: Lee Steps Up – Part 1 of 4

Title: Colonial Day

Part Two

---- ----

Cloud Nine did not lack in comfort or luxury or hotel rooms. And Lee was currently eternally grateful of that fact.

As he led Kara to one of the many hotels, she slanted him an awkward glance, but didn't say anything. She also didn't pull away, so he took that as encouragement and kept going. Once they reached the door, he fished in his pocket for the key and opened it.

"After you," he said with a grin, taking her hand from his arm and kissing it swiftly, before releasing it.

She again eyed him suspiciously, but entered all the same and Lee followed her, watching as she took in her surroundings.

The room was beautiful; there was no doubt of that. It was designed in the tradition of one of Caprica's most elegant hotels: a large queen bed with a satin headboard dominating the space, plush carpeting underfoot. He hurriedly kicked off his shoes and took off his socks, allowing his feet to dig into the soft floor. It was heaven after weeks of nothing but cold, metal decking.

Glancing up, he caught sight of Kara, still staring at the room, taking everything in as she did a slow circle. Finally, her eyes came to rest on Lee and judging by her expression, the lust she'd felt for him ten minutes ago had faded—leaving a cold knot in the pit of his stomach.

"Is something wrong?" he asked quietly, shifting uncertainly under her scrutiny.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she cocked her head to the side and then asked, "What the hell is this?"

Lee looked about and shrugged. "A hotel room."

"Don't get cute with me, Lee Adama," she demanded crossing the space between them and poking a hard finger into his chest. "What exactly did you have planned for tonight?

"Judging by the way you were groping me in the hall, I figured it was pretty obvious." Why was she mad? Didn't she understand the beauty of fate?

"You kissed _me_," she shot back, taking a step back and almost collapsing as her knee gave out.

Lee was to her side in a second, strong arms around her waist, holding her close. "That knee's really bothering you, huh?"

"It's nothing," she muttered, trying to shrug out of his hold, but he kept his grip firm, guiding her to the end of the bed.

Once she was seated, he knelt before her and straightened out the offending leg, taking in the knee and the still visible bruising. He felt Kara shudder a bit at his touch, but she didn't push him off, so he gently worked the area around the knee with his fingers, doing his best to massage it without causing more pain. When she sighed with what he thought was content, he felt a bit of his tension lessen.

Removing his hands, he met her gaze and offered a small smile. "It looks like it's swelling a bit. I'll get you some ice."

She nodded and Lee hurried to the bathroom, grabbing a towel and wetting it slightly before going to the small refrigeration unit and pulling out some cubes. He wrapped them up and then returned to her, pressing the cold bundle against the most swollen skin.

She sighed once more and this time Lee knew it was a sound of contentment. "Thanks," she murmured, placing her hand over the one he had against the ice pack.

The warmth of her touch caused the passion he'd felt for her in the hallway to return in spades. Gods, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her back into those pillows and lavish all the attention she'd allow over every inch of her body. But suspicion still colored her gaze and the stiff way she sat on the bed spoke of even more discomfort.

With a sigh, Lee rose and sat beside her, making sure to keep a few inches of distance between their thighs. He released his hold on the ice pack and Kara readjusted it, looking intently at the white towel so as not to look at him.

Lee studied her profile for a second, noting the way her hair, now curled, fanned against her cheek, noting the slight blush to her cheeks, the way the makeup she'd applied highlighted her unbelievable eyes. Without forethought, he lifted a hand and gently pushed a bit of hair behind her ear. She turned quickly at his touch, eyes wide and still cautious and he had to know what was going on.

"What's wrong?" he asked, keeping his hand against her forearm. "I thought you'd—"

"What? Be glad you think I'm such an easy lay you had already procured a hotel room for the night?" she snapped in a torrent, her cheeks flushing even brighter. As soon as the words were out, she clenched her jaw tight, the muscle in her cheek pulsing faintly under her skin as it always did when she was seething and trying to hide it.

Lee blinked, once, twice, trying to comprehend her words. Slowly, it dawned on him and he could have kicked himself for not explaining. _Good move, Adama_.

"Kara." She was still staring at the ice pack held against her knee and didn't turn to face him even as he called her name again. With a sigh, he finally said, "Kara, look at me. Please?"

She took a deep breath and stared straight ahead for a moment, obviously steeling herself, before she did bring those huge hazel eyes to his face. Offering her a smile, Lee placed his hand to her cheek and said carefully, "I did not rent this room because I assumed we were going to have sex."

Her brows knitted together and Lee could guess the million different explanations running through her mind. He knew they were all wrong.

"My father gave me a twenty-four leave and I was intending to enjoy it. I figured staying the night on Cloud Nine would be a nice respite. A little bit of an escape before I had to go back to Galactica."

He was embarrassed he even needed the break, but truthfully the pressure of being CAG and the Commander's son, as well as the President's advisor and the number two pilot in the Fleet was all a little much. When his father had mentioned the leave, Lee had jumped at it, not really caring whether it was conduct becoming an officer.

"Oh."

Her small exclamation pulled him from his thoughts and Lee turned his attention to her, trying to gauge her reaction. His hand was still resting against her cheek, but she had again turned her eyes from him, glancing at her knee, the floor, the bedspread, anything but him.

The silence stretched uncomfortably between them. "Kara, I really wish you'd say something."

She started a bit at the sound of his voice and he wondered where her mind had been. Shifting positions so he was again kneeling before her, he sought out her eyes and found them clouded by something he might have pegged as disappointment—if he didn't know her so well.

Clearing her throat, her eyes flitted to his and away again, before she removed the ice from her knee and handed him the soggy towel. "I should go then. If you want a break."

She attempted to stand, but Lee wouldn't allow it. Instead, he rose before her, dipping his face so it was right in front of hers, their lips no more than inch apart. "Uh-uh. I want to finish what we started in that hallway," he breathed, before moving his lips to her cheek and kissing a trail to just below her ear.

He felt her tense up for a moment and then heard the soft sound of the ice pack hitting the carpet. Grinning against her skin, he leaned back slightly and met her eyes once more. This time, they were shining with what he wanted to believe was lust—and maybe something more.

"Do you still want to go?" he asked softly, his fingers tracing a slow circular pattern on the bare skin of her shoulder.

She shuddered slightly under his touch and her eyes closed. "Uh-uh," she murmured, shaking her head slightly.

His smiling widening, Lee leaned down and traced the path his finger had made with his lips. She tasted sweet, like vanilla or honey and he couldn't believe how soft her skin was. As his lips traveled to her neck, he felt her hand twine itself in his hair, holding his head to the spot he found. He gladly obliged her and continued to work the sensitive skin with his tongue and teeth.

"Lee," she breathed against his cheek, before she turned her lips to his temple and grazed kisses there, her hands suddenly strong as they gripped his biceps.

And once again, Lee was lost.

---- ----

Kara really couldn't believe this was happening. Sure, in the hallway she'd been a little tipsy from the shots of ambrosia and the suddenness of Lee's kiss, but it wasn't like that now.

Now it was slow and sweet and tender and Kara felt her heart swell and break at the thought. Lee was kissing her, touching her, caressing her like she was the most precious thing in his world and she just couldn't quite get a grasp on that. Too many years of her mother beating any feeling out of her, too many years of denying what she really wanted had left Kara with the inability to recognize real love when she saw it.

Or felt it. She could feel Lee, his breath, his lips, his hands touching her and she wanted more. If they were going to do this, she wanted all of it—all of _him_. Gripping his biceps tightly, she pulled back slightly and found his mouth, pressing her lips against his and kissing him for all she was worth.

She traced the seam of his lips with her tongue and he opened easily, his tongue meeting hers, the dance warm and wet and determined as they both fought for dominance. Slowly, Kara's hands drifted to the front of Lee's uniform and she blindly tried to work the collar open. Dress grays were decidedly easier to get out of then blues and she was suddenly thankful he'd worn them.

Lee covered her hands with his and undid the button, pulling the sash quickly over his head before he kissed her again. This time his mouth devoured hers and Kara gave into it, sinking back onto the bed as Lee leaned over her, one knee on either side of her body. The softness of the mattress beneath her contrasted sharply to the muscular firmness of the man above her and Kara sighed into his mouth.

He shrugged out of his jacket awkwardly, apparently unwilling to release her mouth to complete the task. As he finally made it to just pants and tanks, Kara ran her hands down his bare arms, loving the feel of the warm muscle beneath her fingers. Gods, how many times had she fantasized about these arms? Too many for any self-respecting Viper pilot, she figured, but maybe just enough for any woman with a healthy sex drive.

"Kara," he whispered into her skin, as one hand drifted up her thigh and under her dress, caressing the smooth skin she was suddenly glad she'd shaved. "You're wearing too many clothes."

She giggled softly, unable to believe the sound actually came from her mouth. Apparently so was Lee. He leaned back abruptly, a smile on his face that reached his eyes and he asked teasingly, "Did you just giggle?"

She felt her face burn bright red, and she bit her lower lip, shaking her head. "No."

"You did." Lee sat back, pulling his tanks over his head, before he reached for her hand and began a slow line of torturous kisses from her wrist to her elbow to her shoulder. Each drag of his lips against her skin sent a shiver through her and she closed her eyes against the amazing sensation. When his lips finally met her neck, he breathed, "I made hard-as-nails Starbuck giggle."

Kara inhaled sharply at the words and Lee pulled back, tension in his face. As she met his concerned blue eyes, Kara allowed herself to show Lee some of the tenderness he was showing her. She reached a slightly shaky hand to his cheek and caressed the skin there, her breath hitching once more as he turned his lips into her palm and kissed it.

"Kara and Lee," she murmured, searching his blue eyes for understanding. She didn't want him thinking about rank or call signs or even flying. She didn't want him thinking about duty or frat regs or what his father would say. She wanted them to have this, she wanted to have him and she didn't want him to expect her to be Starbuck. Because in this moment, with him loving her so completely, she just couldn't muster that gruff persona.

And, for the first time in a very long time, she didn't want to.

He seemed to get it, because he leaned forward, elbows resting on either side of her head and kept his eyes firmly locked on hers. His entire body was enveloping her now and she felt unbelievably safe, surrounded by his warmth, his scent, him.

"Kara and Lee," he answered back, his eyes still searching hers and then pressed a kiss to her mouth. It was a soft kiss, chaste almost and Kara returned it eagerly, before sighing against him, her arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him tighter.

She was just Kara and he was just Lee.

---- ----

Lee knew there was a form of surrender happening and he would have stopped to be concerned about the implications if he could have managed to form a thought. But as soon as Kara pulled him close, bringing his body back into intimate contact with her own, all coherent thought fled his brain.

Which he supposed, was how it should be.

Her hands ran over his shoulders and down his back, short nails digging in as she arched her back and pressed herself against him, trying to consume him with her mouth and her body. She lifted her knees and cradled his hips and Lee let out another sigh as his aroused length pushed against her clothed mid-section.

Pulling back reluctantly, he smiled to her once more, grateful when she returned his mischievous grin. "You're still wearing way too many clothes," he explained, sitting up on his knees and reaching for her wrist.

Carefully, slowly, he undid the first tie of blue silk, dropping a kiss to Kara's exposed wrist as soon as it fell away. He treated the other wrist the same and noted the way her eyes fluttered closed as his lips again brushed her skin.

He took a moment to study her, to see her in this moment, unguarded and beautiful, not Starbuck, but Kara. He loved them both; he hoped she knew that, he supposed he should tell her, but at this moment, Lee was hesitant to offer any declarations. They would have this and then they would talk about what it might mean. If they stopped to talk about it now, he knew they'd overanalyze it and he didn't want that.

He just wanted her.

Her eyes opened slowly, and a small frown creased her forehead. "Lee?"

Her hand against his cheek brought him back to her and he leaned forward quickly and kissed her, before scooting off the end of the bed. Reaching for her hands, she gave them to him, and he pulled her up, resting all of her weight against him as her knee was still a little shaky.

Her head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck and shoulder and he felt her turn her face into his skin, pressing a lingering kiss there. "Mmm, this is nice," she murmured, hands on his back, his arms tight about her waist.

Lee smiled and then found the zipper at the back of the dress. He slowly pulled it down with one hand, while his other hand traced the same path over her now bare skin. As he made it to the small of her back, she shivered and arched against him and Lee's arousal grew almost painfully hard.

She leaned back and dropped her arms, allowing the dress to fall into a pile of blue-green silk at their feet. Her eyes alighted on his tented pants and she smirked at him. "Want some help with that?"

Before he could answer, her nimble fingers made quick work of his belt and pants and she had shucked them and his underwear to the floor. His skin felt hot under her gaze as she dragged her eyes slowly from his feet to his erection and then up his chest to his face.

Lee's own eyes couldn't stop staring at the smooth white skin he was confronted with. The only clothing between them now was a small scrap of white satin underwear. Unable to help himself, Lee reached out and covered her breast with his hand, kneading the warm, pliable flesh in his fingers. Kara sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as his fingers found her already taut nipple and worked it to the point of pain mixed with pleasure.

She reached out a steadying hand to his chest, and he felt each point of contact at her fingers, thumb, palm. "Lee," she breathed softly and the sound of her voice brought his mouth back to hers.

As he kissed her, he switched his attention to her other breast, before dragging his lips down the slender column of her neck to her collarbones and finally to her breast, sucking one erect nipple into his mouth.

Her head dropped back with a moan as he worked it with his teeth and tongue and then moved to the other. He felt her hands back in his hair and smiled against her skin. He wanted to know everything that made Kara feel, every point of pleasure on her body so he could make love to her like no one else.

"Lee, Lee." His name sounded like a litany and Lee continued his ministrations, moving his lips lower and meeting her belly button. As he went to his knees before her, he hooked his thumbs in the corner of her panties and pulled them down, immediately overwhelmed with her damp scent that screamed of sex and want and passion.

He gently lifted her feet so she could step out of the underwear and then he began another slow path of kisses from her calf up to her knee. He stopped as his lips grazed over her injury, his eyes closing as he remembered that fateful day and that damn red planet with its shitty atmosphere and how they—he—had almost lost her. He couldn't—

"Lee."

He looked up quickly and saw an unreadable expression on her face. He thought maybe it was compassion mixed with love, but he just couldn't be certain.

Her fingers played with his hair, before her hand drifted to his cheek. "I'm okay," she reminded him, seemingly having read his mind.

He nodded and then smiled wickedly, watching her cheeks flush before he continued to assault her skin with his lips. As he moved up her thigh, slowly working his way toward her center, he felt her shudder and he smiled again.

As soon as his lips covered her, his tongue delving into her delicious heat, his teeth nipping at that sensitive bundle of nerves, he felt her whole body shake. He kept working her, his tongue and teeth establishing a rhythm that had her clutching at his head. Her hips rocked against his face, and Lee held them gently, doing his best to pleasure her to the point of ecstasy.

He felt her orgasm a second before it ripped through her and he kept licking inside of her, tasting her and knowing he'd never get enough. No matter how many times he was with Kara, made love to Kara, it would never be enough.

Her whole body was still shaking, by the time Lee rose and he realized she was really favoring that knee. Picking her up easily, although his erection, about to burst, jumped slightly at the feel of her bare skin against his, he carried her around to the edge of the bed and laid her out in the middle of it.

She looked like the wanton goddess of every sexual fantasy he'd ever had—cheeks flushed from arousal, blonde hair fanned out on silk pillows, nipples tight on breasts begging for attention.

Joining her quickly, Lee leaned over her, his mouth back on hers, kissing her softly, gently, coaxing her back from the blissful place he had taken her to.

Opening her eyes slowly, she kissed him back just as tenderly and he felt his heart break just a little. He hoped this could mean something. _Please, Lords of Kobol, let this mean something. Don't make me give her up._

Without a word, he kept kissing her, rolling on top of her, his weight supported by his elbows, as he again explored the beauty of her mouth.

Her hands drifted across his shoulders and down his arms and he felt one go lower, seeking his arousal. As her hand closed around his shaft and pulled, gently, slowly, he broke off the kiss, breath hitching in his chest. "Kara," he murmured, eyes closing as she fingered the tip, spreading some of the first beads of liquid and then starting the motion all over again. "Gods, I want you."

"I want you too," she whispered hotly in his ear, her teeth biting gently, but insistently on the lobe, and causing him to thrust into her hand. "So, get in me. Right. The frak. Now."

He really didn't need any other encouragement. Lifting his head and meeting her gaze, he found the hand she'd wrapped around him and entwined their fingers, drawing the hand up and over her head. Pinning in to the bed, he kept his eyes on hers and slowly, beautifully, slid inside her.

She arched against him immediately, breasts pressing into his chest, nipples grazing his skin and causing him to cry out. She joined him, a breathless moan filling the air between them.

Lee had never felt anything this exquisite. She was tight and hot and Gods, he just wanted to fill every inch of her. Determined to make this last as long as possible, Lee rocked into her slowly, and Kara breathed out a "yes," before rocking her hips against his, changing the angle of his thrusts and bringing him even closer to her center.

He had expected the pace to be frantic, truthfully, had expected Kara to demand it, but she seemed just as content to take things slowly and Lee reveled in it. She was so pliable beneath him, and he kept taking note of every touch, every movement that brought her pleasure.

"Lee," she breathed, pulling her hands from his and clutching at his shoulders. Her nails dug into his skin and he didn't care. She could mark him, scar him and he'd be the happiest man in the Fleet. Because it would mean she was his and no one would question it.

He kept thrusting, feeling her inner walls flutter once more. Determined to bring her with him, Lee kissed her again, hard, demanding and she met the kiss, her knees pulling up to his hips and cradling him there.

Pulling his lips from hers, he gazed at her face and then stilled. "Kara, look at me."

It took an inordinate amount of will power, but he held still as her eyes fluttered opened. Those amazing hazel depths shone, luminous and bright and Lee kept their gazes locked as he leaned down again and kissed her softly. Bringing his lips back to her ear, he whispered, "I want you to come with me, Kara. Come with me."

He began moving once more and Kara met his thrusts and in less than a minute they were both crying out, Kara's body gripping him tight, while he pulsed hotly into her.

Spent, sated and deliriously happy, Lee collapsed against her, panting, his face buried in her hair. He felt the odd tightness of tears behind his eyes and wondered what kind of frakwit he was that he would cry after sex. That had never happened before.

Blinking them back quickly, he inhaled her scent once more, before moving to roll off of her—he didn't want to crush her. But with startling strength and speed, she held him fast, one hand against the back of his head, the other wrapped under his arm and onto his shoulder.

"Kara?" he murmured against her skin, pressing kisses there before lifting his head to meet her gaze. But he could no longer see her face as she had buried it into his neck and refused to move.

Stroking her sweat-dampened hair back from her forehead, he pressed another kiss to her temple and then murmured, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He tried to glance down to her knee, but her hold was fast and sure and there was no way he was moving. Not that he was really complaining; he would gladly stay entwined with Kara for the rest of his days.

After another minute, she reluctantly let go, her hands quickly moving to her face, as she turned to look at the opposite wall while Lee extricated his limbs from hers. He heard her give a small sigh that could have been a sob when he pulled out from her and now he really was worried he'd hurt her.

"Kara?" He placed his finger under her chin and turned her to face him, more than shocked to see the evidence of tears on her cheeks. "Hey, did I hurt you? Gods, I didn't—"

She covered his mouth with her hand and shook her head. He watched a few more tears fall from the corner of her eyes running into her hair, and he felt his heart break once more. Gods, did she already regret this?

She smiled weakly and then shifted to lie on her side, facing him. She kept her body close and he took at that as a good sign. He rested one hand to her hip and propped his head up on the other. "Sorry," she said softly, one hand tracing the contours of his face, slowly, carefully, as if she needed to memorize them. "I don't usually get weepy."

Lee watched her for a moment and saw a million things flash through those beautiful eyes. He was pretty sure he spotted fear and pain and longing and guilt, but he was mostly sure he saw something akin to love and his heart beat traitorously at the thought.

Removing her hand from his face, he kissed her fingertips and then leaned forward to capture her lips. She returned the kiss with fervor and Lee again felt a bit of relief. But he had no idea what to do next.

They parted for air and Kara's gaze again grew distant. Tracing a line along her forehead, he tapped the middle of it gently with his finger and teased, "Penny for your thoughts."

"I doubt they're worth a penny," she told him, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling.

She didn't speak for several moments and Lee took the time to allow his eyes to drift over her. She was even more beautiful now than before, and he felt his body again growing hot with the thought of having her. He wondered if the desire would ever diminish.

He doubted not.

Kara turned back to him and offered him another weak smile that left him breathless. "What do we do now?" she whispered, as if afraid the words might break the spell.

Lee's breath caught and he fought the urge to just wrap her in his arms and refuse to let go. He suspected she wouldn't take too kindly to that. "What do you want to do?" Gods, he was taking the coward's way out.

She frowned at him again and then shook her head. "Nope, not that easy, Adama. I asked you first."

He rolled his eyes, but knew she was right. Reaching for her, he pulled her tight to his body again, resisting the urge to kiss her until all conscious thought left them. They'd already done that, now they needed to settle _this_. Holding her close, his eyes on hers, Lee spoke as clearly and plainly as possible. If she rejected him, at least he'd know it wasn't from a misunderstanding or not trying his hardest. "I want to be with you, Kara. All the time."

She inhaled sharply, trapping her lower lip between her teeth. Her eyes again searched his; he suspected she was looking for the con, the tease, but he wasn't worried. She wouldn't find any reason to doubt him because he had spoken the absolute truth.

"But, what about … I mean, your father and the frat regs and Zak …"

Lee cut her off with a kiss and when he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against hers. "Kara, right now, it's just you and me and that's what I want. It's what I've wanted for a long time."

She cupped his cheek and sighed. "But Lee, we're going to have to leave this room eventually and all those things will still be there."

He shook his head. Pulling back slightly, he played the last card he held and hoped it was enough—he'd always been really crappy at Triad. "It doesn't matter, because I love you."

Her tears were back in an instant and Lee caught the first one on the back of his finger as it fell down her cheek. "You do?" she breathed.

Lee smiled and kissed her. "I do."

She dropped her chin to her chest quickly, and Lee felt her shoulders shake slightly. Pulling her closer to him, he stroked her back gently, his fear at her reaction warring with the intrinsic need to hold her, protect her, love her. She gripped his arms and buried her face against his chest.

"Kara, shh. Please. Please don't cry." He felt helpless, seeing her in pain, unable to do anything. "Don't you love me?"

She inhaled a soggy breath and then lifted her head. She nodded and then managed a hoarse, "I do. Gods, I do love you, Lee. I tried not to, but I—"

The rest of the statement was cut off by Lee's mouth as it once again descended on hers. This was far from the chaste kiss of before; it was more desperate, more urgent. He wanted to erase any doubt, any uncertainty from her mind, from her heart.

He wanted Kara to know that Lee Adama was one hundred percent, truly and completely hers. If she'd have him.

When they parted, she clutched him tightly, and Lee held her back, but even their body heat could not stave off the chill in the room. As he watched goose bumps pebble on her perfect skin, he pulled back slightly and said, "Come on. Under the covers."

She let go reluctantly, giving Lee just enough space to pull the covers down and they both climbed under them, Lee hitting the light beside the bed and plunging the room into darkness, the dim light of a fake street lamp gave the room a soft hazy glow through the window.

Kara snuggled into him closely, her arm wrapped around him, her cheek resting against his chest. They didn't speak for untold minutes and even as sleep pulled at Lee's body, he knew there was more to this; knew he needed to do or say something else to ease Kara's mind.

"Lee? What about tomorrow? When we're back with the Fleet. When you're the CAG and I'm a pilot and …"

Lee was more than aware of the frat regs—he'd been doing some extra reading in the past few days. He pressed a kiss to her hair. "Kara, things have changed since those regs were written. And if you honestly think some outdated rule could keep me from you, then you obviously have no idea how much I love you."

He felt her cheek shift against his skin and guessed that she was smiling. Lifting her head, she rested her chin on his chest and her smile deepened. "You sure about that? 'Cause I can be quite a handful."

Lee grinned, reaching down and dropping a kiss to the end of her nose, watching as she wrinkled it in that adorable way she had. "Trust me, I know. But I love you. End of story."

Kara reached up a hand and ran her fingers through his short hair, smoothing it back. Lee's eyes fluttered closed a few times, but he struggled against the impulse, wanting to be sure they were okay—she was okay.

As he lost his final fight with sleep, he felt Kara's lips press softly to his and then heard her whisper, "Actually, Lee, I think it's a beginning."

---- ----


	3. Scar

Series: **Lee Steps Up [Part 2 of 4]**

Title: Scar

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own it, really.

Summary: Takes place during/after the episode "Scar," Season 2.

Spoilers: Everything up to and including "Scar," Season 2.

A/N: Just a reminder about this series. Here's the question it's predicated on: What if, at key moments in his relationship with Kara, Lee had stepped up to the plate?

What if he hadn't abandoned her during the dance? What if he'd gone after her after the bunkroom scene in "Scar?" What if he'd confronted her after learning of her marriage to Anders on New Caprica? What if he'd turned down the post on the Quorum and traveled with her on the Demetrius?

I really hope you like these fics and my little "what if" imaginings. So much of the angst in their relationship could have been avoided if Lee had just put on his big boy pants and taken a stand. But, that's Lee and that's Lee and Kara and we love them regardless.

Please read and respond, as comments are food to the fic writer and I'm still very hungry.

~TamSibling~

---- ----

Lee stood dumbfounded, staring at the space Kara had just fled and wondering what had happened.

He knew they'd drank too much and probably said too much and then there'd been hands and lips and tongues and teeth and a lot of touching that Lee's body was still feeling the effects of. Embarrassingly, he looked down and then headed quickly for the showers; it wouldn't do for any of the other pilots to find him like this.

As he stripped and stood under the cold spray, he couldn't shake the sense memory of Kara's hands—and mouth—on him. She'd kissed him first, tasting of ambrosia and sadness and a little bit of hope. He'd been surprised, but only in the "I'm-kissing-my-best-friend" sort of way.

In every other way, he'd been relieved. Thank the Gods she'd finally crossed that line. Lee had wanted to jump over it for weeks, months. Shevon had been a blatant attempt at trying to erase Kara from his life—it had spectacularly failed of course, because Kara Thrace was not easily dismissed. She was in his heart and there was no way he could let her go … even if he had the power, or will, to do it.

She had kissed him so desperately, so hungrily, as if he were the only sustenance for light years. He thought she wanted him and it was that embarrassment that burned the most. She didn't want _him_, she wanted Sam, some frak-buddy stuck on Caprica. Some guy she was apparently hung up on even though he had more than likely perished from radiation poisoning, Cylons or both.

His fist found the wall and he gritted his teeth against the pain. He still wanted her. Even after she'd pushed him away, slapped him, stormed off, he still wanted her. She said there was nothing between them and he knew that was an outright lie. There was so _much_ between them they couldn't define it and he suspected that's what had her spooked the most.

With a sigh, he turned under the spray, his body no longer heavy with passion, his heart now heavy with pain. Leaning against the wall, he felt the water hit his skin and just stood there.

---- ----

The footage was the same, every time. She'd put it on a feedback loop so as soon as B.B.'s Viper exploded in a brilliant cloud of orange it started all over again.

Kara cradled the bottle of the Chief's booze she'd confiscated, sitting at the front of the room and watching the fireball again. She should have been a better teacher, shouldn't have let B.B. anywhere near that asteroid field or that damn Cylon ship. That frakker was on the hunt, picking them off one by one. And one by one it was succeeding.

She took another swig, the vile alcohol burning a trail all the way to her belly. She shifted a bit, remembering when her belly had burned all on its own—after Caprica, after the Farm, after Anders.

Tears came and Kara closed her eyes against them, knowing they'd fall anyway. She kept seeing his face, he was everywhere. Frak, even tonight when she'd been talking with Lee, for a split second she had glanced at him and seen Anders there instead. It had shaken her, sent a shiver down her back as it did now. She took another drink.

Anders was dead, he had to be. There was no way he could have survived these months they'd been apart. She'd made sure to piss off the toasters but good and that had meant revealing Sam and his resistance to them. She imagined they were being hunted, right now on the surface of Caprica, running covert ops and trying to stay one step ahead of machines that killed without remorse.

No one could survive this long, not without provisions and back-up and a hell of a lot more than luck.

_I don't know what I'm doing!_

Her exclamation to Lee no more than thirty minutes ago had probably been the most truthful thing she'd said in weeks. She didn't know … anything, anymore. She barely felt she knew how to fly, how to survive. Every time she got in her bird, Kara was less and less secure. She was sure her number was coming due and Scar would be the one to call in the chit. And she hated it.

Doubt wasn't part of Starbuck's repertoire, but it plagued Kara Thrace like a disease, gnawing at her heart, clawing away when she least expected it. It had chewed her up and spit her out after Zak, leaving a barely functioning Starbuck in its wake. After the Farm, it'd gotten worse. Striking with a ferocity she'd forgotten, the doubt had once more wormed its way into her heart, her mind, frakking with her confidence, sending her careening from one fight, one card game, one hangover to the next.

Now, as she'd watched one nugget after another blown into dust, it was settling in, infecting her limbs, her body, her soul.

Taking another drink, she idly wondered if the Chief's brew could kill it. Hell, this shit could strip paint. But Kara knew the doubt was more resilient; it wanted to stay. And this time, she was going to let it.

There was no reason not to. She'd just single-handedly, in the space of minutes, pushed away the last person left in the universe who gave a frak about her. Lee had every reason not to speak to her again. And he wouldn't. She'd finally broken him and she knew there was nothing she'd be able to say or do that would bring him back. She could beg and plead and maybe even cry, but Lee was as dead to her as Sam. Except she had to see his frakking mug every day. Because the Gods were just that cruel.

Sitting back in her chair, Kara felt the first of her tears fall and watched her pilot, her comrade, get blown to pieces … over and over and over and over …

----- ----

Dressed in a fresh set of tanks and sweats, Lee searched the ship for Kara. She wasn't in the rec room or the bunkroom and so far no one on the deck had seen her. In spite of himself, in spite of the fact she'd all but stomped on his heart and his pride, he was starting to get a little panicked.

The haunted look in Kara's eyes as she'd kissed him that last time—the longing and split second of surrender as she'd cupped his face in her hands and then pushed him away, would not leave him in peace. He knew he should turn around and get some sleep, he'd need it when he had to be on the deck and in his bird less than five hours from now.

But no, he was going to find her first. He was probably going to yell at her and then he was going to be sure she was all right. He still wanted to sleep with her too, which should have been the lowest blow to his male pride. But try as he might he couldn't muster the shame. In truth, he'd take Kara Thrace anyway he could get her, and if that meant friends and nothing more, so be it.

But he still couldn't shake the feeling that the bright shiny future they'd been so quick to eschew was really what they wanted. The only problem was Lee wanted it with her and he wasn't so sure Kara felt the same.

Tamping down the sentiment and the sense memory it evoked, Lee took another circle around the deck. Where the frak was she? He'd tried all of her usual haunts. With a sigh, and growing annoyance, he headed for the pilot's ready room, knowing it was a shortcut to the enlisted's head. Maybe she'd snuck in to grab a shower in peace.

As he reached the ready room door, he caught sight of a flicker of light splashed across the bulkhead, a dreary gray that flared to orange before fading to gray again. Pausing, Lee peered inside, stepping around the raised seats to eye the front of the room and his breath caught in his throat.

There was Kara, silhouetted against the screen, the footage of B.B.'s flight reflected on her back as she stood in line with the projector. Her arms were thrown out to the sides, a half-empty bottle of the Chief's hooch in one hand. His gaze shifted to the screen and he watched as B.B.'s ship exploded. As the fireball burst and then dissipated, Kara tilted her head back to the ceiling and took a long pull from the bottle. Then, she faced the screen and waited for the footage to begin again.

The pain that tugged at Lee's chest was almost debilitating. He wanted to go to her, wanted to hold her and comfort her and tell her it would be okay. He wanted to be close enough so that for one night, for just a few hours, he could keep her demons at bay. Another part of him wanted to charge forward and smack the bottle out of hand, shake her hard and demand answers, demand the truth. Another part, small part, one he wouldn't normally admit to, just wanted to sit down and cry.

As he watched the footage begin again, he realized what Kara was doing. In true Starbuck fashion she was torturing herself, reliving the death of one of her nuggets. Lee knew it was the last thing she needed.

Forcing his feet to move, he took a few steps further into the room and cleared his throat.

"Kara?"

Her entire body stiffened, her spine ramrod straight as she turned slowly and caught his eyes. Again, his heart stopped for a second at the look of pure pain and despair resting in those hazel depths, shiny with tears. Turning to face him fully, she drained the last of the bottle and dropped it heavily in a nearby garbage can, the clang of the glass and metal harsh in the silent room.

Cocking her head back to the screen, she slurred, "Wanna watch? I know how it ends, but I won't spoil it for ya."

Lee took a deep breath and then released it. "Kara, what are you doing?"

She shrugged, studying the ground at her feet. The footage was playing again and Lee watched with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as B.B.'s Viper exploded right over Kara's heart.

"Wallowing," she finally admitted, glancing up to him and then suddenly giggling. "Isn't that what pigs do? Wallow?"

She was drunk and grieving and obviously frakked up. Lee reached her in a few steps, his hand around her elbow as he tried to guide her from the room. "Come on, Kara. You need sleep."

Kara wrenched out of his grasp whirling back to face the screen, almost falling as she lost her balance. "Wait, we're gonna miss the best part."

He watched in morbid fascination as Kara's hands mimicked the movement of the planes, her right hand B.B.'s viper, her left Scar as it juked and weaved. Just as Scar locked onto the other pilot's plane, she whispered, "Here it comes."

And then the ship exploded and she made a noise with her lips like children playing war and imagining gunfire. It broke his heart—just a little.

Taking a step closer, he rested a hand to her back, glad when she didn't whirl around and deck him. "Kara, don't do this."

She shrugged. "Don't do what? I'm studying the tapes, looking for Scar's weakness."

There wasn't one; Lee knew it, that's what had sent a handful of his pilots to early graves. Kara knew it too. "Kara, none of this—"

She turned to him so suddenly, the words died on Lee's tongue as he watched her wide eyes spill two tears down her already flushed and stained cheeks. "How many nuggets am I going to be responsible for sending to their graves in pieces?"

Lee choked on his words of reassurance. It was worse than he'd thought; not only was she blaming herself for B.B. and the others, but now all of this had invoked memories of Zak. Oh Gods.

"Don't do this," he breathed, taking a step closer, and holding her gently by the upper arms. Tentatively, he reached one hand to her face and brushed a tear away. "Please, Kara, don't."

He held her gaze for a handful of heartbeats and wished he knew what was swirling through that brain of hers. The emotions in her eyes were conflicted: pain warred with fear while passion battled with grief; comfort fought mightily with reason while love traded jabs with duty.

The need to hold her close was growing. Lee was uncertain how long he could keep it at bay—the longer he felt her soft skin under his fingers, the longer he heard the shuddering intake of her sob-laden breaths, the more he feared he'd wrap her up tight and never let her go. Their heated embrace in the bunkroom an hour before flashed through him and he felt his cheeks flush. Gods, he'd wanted her so badly for so long. How could they get so close and still be unable to take the leap?

"I promised him I'd go back," she whispered, eyes still focused on his, searching for something as they darted across his face. "I promised."

He swallowed hard, pushing down all the words of devotion and love he wanted to say and simply murmured, "I know."

As the silence grew around them, Lee told himself he'd release her, walk away and let this night be over. Let this end so they could both be free of it. Both sleep it off and pretend in the morning that nothing had happened. He told himself at the count of ten, he'd drop his hands to the sides and take a step back … then it was the count of twenty.

Just as he reached fifty, the feel of Kara's hand against his cheek startled him enough to widen his eyes and he studied her features intently as she managed to get out, "But I don't want to."

Lee bit his tongue as Kara continued, her fingers still resting lightly against his face, her other hand lying gently on his arm. She blinked back fresh tears. "I don't want to go back there, Lee. I … But what if he's alive?" She looked at him like he had answers; like he could magically tell her if Anders was pining for her return.

"What if he's alive and I don't go back? It'll make me a liar." With even more sadness hanging upon her shoulders, Kara finally stepped out his reach and hung her head. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm so good at telling lies, even I think they're the truth."

A tense quiet fell between them. Lee wanted to break it with something, but he had no words. He couldn't rightly stand here and advocate that Kara jump back to their devastated home world to rescue another man; he might be emotionally repressed, but he wasn't stupid.

Searching for words, his heart caught in his throat as Kara again lifted those devastating and devastated eyes to his face and whispered, "I lied to you."

"I know." See? Not stupid.

She nodded, as if expecting that answer and then turned away, moving towards the desk at the front of the room and sitting on it heavily. "Then why are you here?"

He risked taking a few steps closer, standing right in front of her, his hips almost trapped in the space between her legs where they hung off the table. "Because you lied," he explained. As she lifted her face to his, eyes clouded with confusion, Lee rested his hand to her cheek and tilted his head forward until their foreheads met. "And you damn well know there is an _us_."

The change in her was instantaneous. Abruptly, Kara pulled back, scrambling off the desk and across the room as she growled, "No, no, there isn't."

They'd been through this once tonight and Lee would be damned if it happened again. "Be honest with yourself for once, Kara." He turned, unable to harden his heart against the fearful woman who stood before him, arms crossed over her chest as silent tears fell down her face. "Be honest with me. What is this?"

She raised her chin in defiance, but she could not steady her voice. "Nothing."

"Liar." She flinched at the word, but Lee reached her in a second, grabbing her arms and holding her close. "What. Is. This?"

With pleading eyes, she shook her head once and whispered, "Lee, don't, please."

Refusing to back down, Lee pulled her even closer, again cupping her cheek. "No. You've been hiding long enough, lying to yourself, to everyone. It stops now." He made sure he had her eyes as he added softly, "It stops me with me."

For a split second he thought he'd reached her. But too quickly, she had shoved him away, her hands strong against his chest as she propelled him back. "No!"

As he caught his balance, Lee watched her regain some of her composure. "No, because the lie is all I have. It's safe and—"

"Cowardly."

She came at him with her hand raised, ready to strike, but Lee caught it quickly, using the leverage to tug her against him. As his other arm snaked around her waist, Lee held firm. "You're better than this, Kara. Stronger, braver."

"I'm not." She all but slumped against him, the tension in her body gone in a flash.

Guiding her head to his shoulder, Lee felt relief with her warm, comforting weight in his arms. "You are." He breathed her in, smelling the Chief's brew, Viper oil and sweat; he breathed her in again. "Damn it, Kara, you're the best gods damned pilot in the Fleet. You can fly circles around anyone, including me and you're not afraid of anything."

He thought for a moment she might actually believe him. And then she laughed, a deep, violent chuckle that shook her entire frame. Reeling back, she crossed to the desk, threw her arms out wide and shouted, "That's the biggest lie of all!"

Her eyes found the screen again, staring in silence as B.B.'s plane exploded. "But no one cares, right?" She glanced back to him, bitterness and anger etched into her features. "No one gives a damn because I'm Starbuck. Gods damned Starbuck, who flies and fraks and smokes cigars and tells dirty jokes like one of the guys."

Her foot found the trash can and she kicked it hard, sending it careening against the nearest wall. The sound was deafening, but did nothing to drown out Kara's pained cry. "She's a lie, Lee!"

She crumpled to the floor in a second, head in her hands, shoulders shaking, her body shuddering violently. Lee crossed to her, kneeling beside her and wrapping her in his arms, ridiculously relieved when she didn't pull away. Face buried in her hair, he whispered, "Kara, it's okay, I've got you." He could already feel her shaking her head, but he kept talking. "You don't have to be Starbuck right now."

"No, I do. I have to be her, Lee." She looked up, but not at him. Again her eyes found that damn gun camera footage. "When Starbuck fails, nuggets die." She shrugged him off easily and rose on shaky legs, doing her best to put physical distance between them. Despite his mind and heart screaming at him to keep her close, he gave her space, watching her stare at nothing.

He wanted to tell her it wasn't true. But he couldn't find the words and she just barreled ahead, voice soft, broken. "I should have shot that frakker out of the sky on my first patrol." She snorted softly. "The old Starbuck would have."

"You still can," Lee told her firmly. "Kara, you're still the best pilot, the best fighter." He believed that with every fiber of his being.

But obviously Kara didn't. "Nope, Starbuck's slipping, Lee." She stared at the screen and sighed heavily, her entire body seeming to shrink before his eyes. "I don't know why, but she's fading and if I'm not …" Her voice faltered and Lee took a step closer, waiting for the meltdown. Kara had been close to one for months. She thought he hadn't noticed, but of course, he had; he noticed everything about her, just about every minute of the day.

Taking a deep breath, she lifted her eyes to his face. Pain and uncertainty and sheer despair radiating out of those brown depths and into his soul. "If I'm not Starbuck, then who am I?"

_Everything_. He wanted to shout it at her, wanted to whisper it in her ear, wanted to announce it over the ship-to-ship comms. Gods, did she really not know? Did she really have no idea that she was his entire universe? And did she really doubt that she wasn't the indomitable Starbuck? A few bad runs in a Viper did not erase the years of superiority she'd built up.

Propelled toward her, Lee reached for her and this time she came willingly, her arms wrapping around his waist as his wrapped around her shoulders. He kept her close, unable to stand the anguish that had permeated her entire being. With her head tucked under his chin and her warm body pressed close to his, he could almost pretend she was okay. But he knew better.

Forcing his voice to stay steady, he told her softly, "_You_ are Kara Thrace."

She laughed lightly, but it was a hollow sound that chilled his blood. "Yeah, and we all know what she's worth."

Leaning back, Lee moved his hands to cup her face, forcing those honey-brown depths to look at him. He stared for a moment, taking a second to enjoy the beauty of Kara. Her cheeks were tear-stained and her eyes were red, but she was still beautiful to him. "Kara," he breathed, guessing he wouldn't get through this statement without his voice cracking. Trying again, he swallowed hard and told her, "You're worth _everything_."

He watched her forehead crease with a bit of fear and confusion as his words registered; watched as her eyes pooled once more with tears; watched as she trapped her lower lip between her teeth and tried to pull away. But Lee held firm. Tipping her face up to his, he leaned forward slowly, giving her the chance to back away if she truly wanted to—he hoped she didn't. He honestly didn't know if he could take a second rejection from her tonight, but he couldn't leave her like this, feeling bereft and unworthy. Not when she meant so frakkin' much to him.

Just as his lips descended on hers, he heard the faintest sigh that sounded suspiciously like, "Lee." He swallowed it down, tasting the ambrosia and tears on Kara's lips. He moved one hand behind her head, cradling her neck as the other hand skimmed down her shoulder and around her waist. Holding her firmly, Lee gently caressed his tongue along the seam of her lips and felt unbelievable joy when Kara opened her mouth to him.

This kiss was slower, more languid than the ones they had shared earlier. Lee took his time, exploring her mouth, running his tongue along hers. One pass had Kara mewling deep in the back of her throat and Lee pulled her tighter, the sound setting his blood on fire as he felt his desire for her flare once more. That wasn't what this was about though, Lee knew that, so he simply held her tight, and continued to kiss her breathless.

Forced to part for air, Lee broke his mouth from Kara's reluctantly, trailing a line of kisses along her cheek and to her ear. She responded with a soft sigh, her chin resting on his shoulder, her arms tight around his back. As his lips brushed the shell of her ear, he finally whispered, "There is an us."

He waited for her to tense, to run away, to deny it, but instead she simply held him closer, her cheek rubbing along his. "I know." Another sigh, another long pause and then she pulled back to meet his gaze, more tears pooling in her eyes.

Lee saw her apology, the regret she felt over what had transpired between them earlier and he kissed her again, softly, as a way of acceptance. As he leaned back once more, Kara's hand rested to his cheek and a few of her tears fell. "I know there is, Lee, but I … I'm so lost."

She ducked her head at the admission and Lee could barely believe he'd heard the words. Kara was showing a level of vulnerability he had rarely—if ever—seen. And the level of trust and faith that conveyed—in him, in them—was like a gift to Lee. He wasn't about to waste it.

Holding her close again, he murmured into her hair, "No, you're not. You're tired and burned out and scared and angry." With a slight smile, he gazed down at her and added, "You're not lost, Kara. You're human."

She didn't return his grin or share the joke and Lee felt another lump settle in his throat. Her hand moved from his shoulder to his cheek, gently caressing the skin there. "Before, when I … when … in the …"

Lee took the hand she'd placed to his face and pressed a kiss to her palm. "How about we don't talk about that right now?" As she nodded once, he silently breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing he wanted was to ruin this momentary truce with reminders of all the hurt they'd caused one another. "We both need to get some sleep."

She nodded again, but made no move to leave, so Lee kept a hold of her hand and gently tugged her toward the door. He stopped by the control panel, shutting down the gun camera footage and turning off the lights. Just as they crossed the threshold, Kara pulled on his hand slightly and he turned to find her large eyes staring at him. "I'm sorry."

Squeezing the hand he held, Lee gave her a small smile. "I know. Me too."

"It's not your fault." She took a step closer and Lee willed his body to behave as he felt the warmth of her along his side. "I'm the screw-up," she reminded him with a cocky grin.

He chuckled softly and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, directing them down the hall to their quarters. "We can debate that at another time."

After a few more steps, he felt her arm slide around his waist and Lee again whispered a silent prayer of thanks to the Gods. As Kara's cheek came to rest on his shoulder, he compensated as she rested more and more of her body against him. She really was tired.

Making it to the bunkroom, Lee swung the hatch open as quietly as possible, realizing it was well into the middle of everyone's sleep cycle. For her part, Kara was having a rough time keeping her eyes open and Lee could only smile. In spite of everything, he knew he'd continue to love her forever.

Kara all but fell into her bunk, face first, curling her arms around her pillow. Lee gave her a small smile and then tugged on her arm until she was on her back, staring at him through sleepy eyes. "Come on, Kara. You don't want to sleep in these cargoes. You'll burn up."

Batting at his hands ineffectually, Kara murmured, "M'too tired." She tried to roll onto her side, but Lee stopped her.

"Do you want some help?"

He honestly couldn't believe he'd gotten the words out, but it shocked him even more when Kara nodded slightly. Placing a knee down on the bed beside her, Lee reached for the hem of her tanks and pulled them up and over her head, leaving only her sports bra. Knowing she slept in it most nights, he quickly moved onto the button of her pants, worried that if his eyes lingered too long on creamy skin he'd be powerless to resist temptation.

Once the pants were undone, they worked them down her legs together and Lee finally pulled them off, taking her boots with them and folded the pants, placing them in the corner of her bunk, while putting her boots on the floor.

Steeling himself, Lee glanced back at her, inhaling sharply at her barely clothed form. Her black boy shorts and sports bra were one of his greatest fantasies and Lee tried to swallow down his spike of desire.

He gave her his hand as she reached for it and was surprised when she pulled him closer. Almost falling on top of her, she murmured, "I'm so tired, Lee." As he braced himself above her, her eyes searched his face, her free hand trailing across his forehead and down his cheek until her fingers traced his lower lip.

Unable to resist, Lee pressed a kiss to the tip of her finger. "Then get some rest, Kara," he whispered, risking one more light kiss to her lips.

Pulling back, he offered her a smile and then told himself he had to get out of there. He was going to do something monumentally stupid if he didn't remove himself from her line of sight. Right. Now.

However, Kara didn't let go of his hand and Lee abandoned any hope of resisting her. "Stay with me?" she whispered, eyes widening slightly as Lee sighed heavily and tried to pull away.

"Kara, are you sure?" He wanted to, Gods did he want to. He wanted to lie down beside her and keep her close to him and make sure she got a good night's sleep.

"I know it sucks of me to ask, but …" She offered him a one-shouldered shrugged and then smiled softly. "I really don't want you to go."

That settled it for Lee. Giving her a quick kiss to her lips, he rose and shrugged out of his own clothes and boots in record time. Returning to her side, Lee climbed into her bunk, pulling the curtain shut. Kara had rolled onto her side and was facing the wall and Lee found his body wrapping around hers, molding itself to her back, his arm resting across her waist, his other arm wrapping under her shoulders.

She sighed softly as he settled in and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Sleep, Kara. Okay?"

She nodded, her hand drifting over the one he had at her waist. Twining her fingers with his, she turned her face to the arm under her shoulders and pressed a kiss to the skin there. "Thank you," she breathed against him before settling down.

With a smile he couldn't possibly hide, Lee held her a bit tighter and closed his eyes.

---- ----

He found her after the tribute, after the other pilots had filed out of the room with a little too much alcohol in their blood, but a much lighter feeling in their hearts. Scar was gone; Kara and Kat had smoked him out and destroyed him. And even better, Starbuck was back.

Of course, Lee knew that wasn't the whole truth. Starbuck was still shaken, just as Kara was. He had hated being stuck in CIC listening to Kat and Kara go after Scar. Hated the feeling of absolute dread in the pit of his stomach that maybe this time she wouldn't make it back. That after everything they'd been through, and all the shit they'd survived, they wouldn't get a chance to get it right.

But she was alive and he was grateful.

She was sitting now above the hangar deck, watching the skeleton crew on shift as they milled about the birds, checking off repair requests and getting the deck ready for the next CAP. Her legs dangled off the catwalk, her head resting against the nearest railing and Lee approached her quietly, sitting beside her and mirroring her posture.

They sat in silence for a few moments, before he finally said, "You did good. You showed them that Starbuck is back."

Kara snorted softly and rolled her eyes, straightening. She kept her gaze locked on the scene below and Lee waited. Something weighed heavily on her and he couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of trepidation at what it might be.

When she spoke, her voice was soft, but firm. "I promised I'd go back for him."

"Why?" It was the only question he really wanted an answer to.

Kara turned to him, compassion and conviction coloring her features. "No one deserves to live like that, Lee." Her gaze faltered and she glanced to the decking. "Besides, I …"

His heart in his throat, Lee asked, "Do you love him, Kara? Really?"

With a small shrug, she murmured, "Yeah."

Lee really wanted to run away, but his body refused to move as every hope he'd held in the past few days that he might have a bright, shiny future with Kara was crushed by that simple word. How could she do this to him? How could she not see what they were to each other? What they could be if only they'd get the frak out of their own way?

Refusing to give in to the tears that pricked the backs of his eyes, Lee jumped slightly as he felt Kara's warm hand curl over his. Glancing to her quickly, he was surprised to see her smiling, a warm, tender smile as she told him quietly, "But not in the way I love you."

He was amazed she couldn't hear his heart beating—it was so frakkin' loud. He watched in awe as she inched a bit closer and pulled his hand to her chest. "I needed Anders and he was there and it was easy and uncomplicated. Plus, when I left, I thought—"

Lee felt his cheeks burn at the implication. "I know. I was awful."

Kara gave him her infamous smirk, but didn't release his hand. "I deserved it."

"No." He placed his other hand over theirs and held her gaze. "I know I did this, Kara. I do. I get it. If I hadn't pushed so damn hard—"

"I pushed back."

Lee paused to consider. She did have a point.

Taking a deep breath, he met her gaze, wishing he knew where this might be going. "And Anders?"

She shrugged again, her voice small as she tried to explain. Lee could only imagine how hard it was. "It was comfort, Lee. It's a shitty excuse, but it's the only one I've got."

He was ready to agree—it was a shitty excuse. Comfort was no reason for Kara to sleep with some random guy on Caprica, not when he'd been here, waiting for her to come back, waiting to apologize, waiting to make things right.

But he also knew that was ridiculous. He'd had no hold over Kara, not then, not even now despite everything.

Clearing his throat, he did his best to speak in an even, controlled tone. "I can … accept that," he managed.

His confession brought a snort of laughter from Kara. "Don't strain yourself, Lee."

Gritting his teeth, he demanded, "You expect me to be glad you slept with another guy?"

Shaking her head, Kara squeezed his hands and looked him straight in the eye. "No, I don't. But I do expect you to tell me why it pisses you off."

Did she really not know? Lee doubted that was the case. It was more that she wanted him to admit it. Maybe it was the words, the declaration that would help clear the air. At this point, he was willing to try just about anything. Holding her gaze with his own, he spoke clearly and evenly. "Because there is an us."

Kara's eyes shined with what he could only identify as happiness. "Tell me about it."

Grinning, Kara leaned in and gave him a kiss. Lee reached for her, his hand wrapping around the back of her neck and she inched closer until their bodies were only a few inches apart. He liked kissing Kara, liked the heat of her mouth against his own, the sweet taste of her, the way her tongue battled his, fighting for dominance. Even when kissing, Starbuck wanted to win.

Lee was okay with that.

Leaning back, she studied him closely, before finally saying, "I still have to go back."

Lee brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear and nodded. "I'm going with you."

She straightened immediately, shaking her head. "Lee-"

"No arguments, Kara." He tugged on their still joined hands and she leaned into his side again. "If you're going back into the belly of the beast then so am I."

She sighed, but wrapped her free arm around his waist. "The Old Man's going to love that."

Lee smiled. That was true.

They sat in silence, enjoying the closeness of each other. Lee watched the deck, eyeing the Heavy Raider Kara had procured a few weeks ago in a corner of the bay. He knew they'd more than likely take the Heavy Raider back to Caprica—less chance of detection. Of course, it was still risky and even landing didn't guarantee they'd take off again. Or that any of the resistance was still alive.

"What about after, Kara?" He felt her tense against him. "What if he's alive? What then?"

She cleared her throat and then straightened, looking at him closely, sincerity and fear telegraphed through her eyes. "I live up to my reputation as a cold-hearted bitch and cut him lose?"

Lee knew she was trying to break the tension, but he couldn't muster a smile. Not about this. It wasn't a joke. Kara seemed to know that.

She moved both hands to his face, cupping his cheeks and held his gaze. "It was never him, Lee. It's you."

He kissed her, unafraid, knowing she was telling the truth, knowing that what they had started had a chance. His lips against hers, he murmured, "Because there's an us?"

Kara smiled, and nipped at his lip before kissing him again. "Oh yeah," she murmured, as her lips made their way to his ear, biting on the lobe gently. "And this is definitely a hell of a lot more than nothing."

Lee couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him as he pulled her closer and kissed her again. Oh yeah, it was _something_.

---- ----

A/N: The next fic, based on the "morning-after-New-Caprica," is going to be a multi-chapter fic and heavily AU. I'm not sure when it'll get posted, but I'm going to try and get this little series done before the Season 4.5 premiere on January 16, 2009.

And remember, the more comments I get, the more inspired I am to write … just a little incentive. 


	4. New Caprica

Series: Lee Steps Up – Part 3 of 4

Title: New Caprica

Pairing: Kara/Lee

Rating: PG-13

Summary: What if Lee had pursued Kara the morning after they shouted their love to the sky? What if he'd challenged her marriage to Sam?

Disclaimer: It's not mine, it will never be mine.

A/N: Okay, there's a reason it took me so long to post this. See the Author's Note at the end for additional details.

I really hope you like this … really, I do. Leave me comments!

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The Morning After the Groundbreaking Ceremony

---- ----

For a split second, Lee could barely breathe. His father's words had seemingly punctured a lung and Lee stood there desperately trying to draw breath. This wasn't happening.

It wasn't.

But then there she was, smiling and laughing and walking arm in arm with _him_. Lee wanted to vomit. He wanted to kill her. The violent thought took up residence in his brain and he thought of beating her face into a bloody pulp. Thought of ways to make her feel as much pain as he did right now.

He stalked across the open space toward them. He knew the second Kara caught sight of him. Her whole body stiffened and she actually turned into Sam, as if he could protect her. As if anything could keep her safe from the rage Lee felt pounding in his blood.

"Hey there, Apollo." His voice dug into Lee like that frakkin' sand he'd slept on all night. He could feel the little pits in his back from where the grains had scratched him, embedded into his skin by the rocking motion of Kara's body over his.

Anger again white hot, Lee barely growled a greeting in the man's direction before taking Kara forcibly by the elbow and dragging her away.

"Hey!"

Sam's outraged cry was cut off as Lee saw Kara give him a small shake of her head. Well, it was obvious who wore the pants in that relationship.

He had no idea where he was going, but he didn't stop until they had left the small tent city in their wake and he was sure they wouldn't be overheard. There was a small stand of trees, pale, sickly things to one side, and Lee shoved her behind one, chest heaving with unrestrained rage.

As he fought to form words, he watched Kara. She was staring at the ground, toeing her boot in the gravel, looking anywhere but at him. It made him angrier.

Pushing her back against the nearest tree trunk, he trapped her there with his hands on her shoulders and hissed, "What the frak?"

She didn't even flinch. No, she just raised her eyes to his face and shrugged. "Aren't you going to congratulate me?" Her voice was even, betraying no emotion and Lee found his grip on her shoulders tightening. "I got married."

"After you slept with _me_," he reminded her, stepping closer until his body and hers were in full contact from knee to chest. "After you said you loved me. So I'll ask again. What. The frak?"

She actually rolled her eyes, a gesture so reminiscent of Starbuck it made him want to punch her more. With clear disdain, she said, "It was just sex, Lee. Gods, don't get all girly about it."

He squeezed her shoulders so tight he knew she'd have bruises. Good; Sam should know he wasn't the only man with claim to Kara Thrace. "Bullshit," he bit out, eyes searching hers. "Last night was more than just sex." Lowering his voice, he tried to push down some of his anger. Being this close to her, feeling her skin beneath his hands reminded him of everything they'd done and said in the last twelve hours. Despite his anger, his desire for her would not abate. "You said you loved me, Kara. You shouted it to the sky."

Her face became a smooth mask, her eyes empty as she looked up at him and said evenly, "I take it back."

And Lee knew he had her. He knew something more was going on here than Kara being the bitch to beat all bitches. She wouldn't invoke those words—that day—and not know what it would mean to him. "There are no take backs," he reminded her, with a sly grin spreading across his face.

He leaned in and kissed her as she stared at him, uncertain what to say next. His mouth possessed hers hotly, lips and teeth and tongue gliding over hers, plunging in, laying claim. Gods, she was the best thing he had ever kissed and the best frak of his life. Lee knew it had to do with the depth of emotion—with how much they meant to each other. He couldn't shake the memory of how perfect it had been.

He felt her give in, felt the way her hands stopped pushing him away and instead drew him closer. She curled her hand around the back of his head and pulled her body flush to his. He groaned his approval into her mouth, hands trailing to the small of her back and caressing the flesh there. How could she deny this?

And then, it was done. Kara's hands rested on his chest and she shoved him, hard, causing Lee to stumble back, breathless. He stared at her, her kiss-swollen lips, the hint of tears in her eyes and then watched her put Starbuck's façade back into place. Wiping at her mouth as if he'd just violated her, she hissed, "Gods, Lee. What are you doing? I'm married!"

"To the wrong guy!" His shout had nothing to echo off of and later he'd be glad that no one else had heard it. Advancing toward her once more, Lee watched as Kara scurried out from the tree, determined not to be backed into a corner again. "The only person you should have gotten up and married this morning is _me_. And you know it!"

Crossing her arms over her chest in defiance, Kara tilted her chin in challenge. "No," she said firmly. "I love Sam."

The desire to strangle her was back in spades. "I don't accept that," he told her.

She actually smirked now and Lee felt his heart race. "Well, too frakking bad. It's done."

Kara turned to leave as if _they_ were done. No frakking way. This was not over; they would never be over. He caught up to her in three steps and grabbed her elbow, whirling her around to face him. She let out a small yelp of surprise, but didn't take a swing, so Lee tightened his grip.

"Have the bands dissolved." It was the only way.

Her eyes widened, mouth agape for a moment as she stared at him. Finally, she breathed, "What?"

Lee saw a hint of something, something that gave him hope and he barreled ahead. "It's not too late. It's only been what? A few hours? Have it annulled, Kara." Gods, what was he doing? Did she really hold this much sway over him? Could Kara Thrace really frak with his heart this badly?

As he looked back into her hazel eyes swimming with fear and uncertainty he had his answer—hell yes. Nuking the rest of his pride, he insisted softly, "Marry me."

She gasped, one hand flying to her mouth as she stared at him wide-eyed. He refused to give her any space, keeping their bodies as close as he could. The hand around her elbow was still tight, but he allowed his thumb to make lazy circles against her skin, remembering the delicious moans of pleasure he could draw from her just by touch. A flare of desire burned in his gut, but he held it back. After she was his, he'd remind her once again of how perfect they could be.

Minutes stretched, the silence taut between them. Lee wanted to press her for an answer, but he knew better than to push. Did Sam know that? Did Sam know that sometimes backing Kara into a corner was the only way to gain any ground? Did Sam know that sometimes giving her space was the only way to win a fight? Did he know the difference, because Lee sure as hell did.

The longer she hesitated, the more hopeful he became. Risking her rejection, Lee took another step closer, using his free hand to cup her cheek. "Kara," he breathed, ready to lean in for another kiss. It would end this, wouldn't it? A melding of lips and then bodies and then Kara would know she'd done a frakkin' stupid thing a few hours ago.

Just before his lips met hers, she shook her head sharply and backed up. Lee was so stunned he didn't even have time to try and grab her.

"No." Her voice was firm, resolute and sad. Lee could hear her anguish.

Sighing heavily, he ducked his head ashamed of the tears he felt in his eyes. Gods damn it! Waiting a beat, he cleared his throat and asked, "Why?"

Kara again crossed her arms over her chest and Lee got the distinct impression it was an act of self-preservation. "I married Sam."

Her voice was cold. Taking courage from that fact, Lee lifted his face to hers and pressed on. "Why?"

She rolled her eyes again, but this time Lee could tell it wasn't from annoyance, but instead to rid herself of traitorous tears. "I love Sam."

There was no love in her voice, there wasn't even affection. "No, you don't." He advanced on her again, more than amazed when she didn't turn tail and run. Instead, she let him get close enough, let him put his hands on her. This time he handled her far more gently, hands resting on her shoulders as he gazed into her shining eyes. "You don't love him, Kara. So tell me why you did this?"

She bit her lower lip, her eyes trapped by his gaze and finally, with a shuddering breath, she waved a hand between them. "Because I can't do _this_."

He stared stunned. She continued. "It's too much, Lee. _We're_ too much." She lifted her eyes back to his face and this time he did see tears there. Trying to hold her, she pulled away from him, not violently, but just enough to tell him this wasn't the time. He let her go, watching as she walked with sagging shoulders a few steps back toward the trees.

After more silence and a heavy sigh, she turned back to him, wiping angrily at her cheeks. "When we fight, it's like the world is going to end," she told him. He could see her struggle to keep her voice even and it made his heart hurt even more. She was killing him.

"Sometimes, I get so angry with you I can barely see straight," she explained, a light smile tugging the corners of her mouth. "And then, there are times, like last night, when you look at me and touch me and kiss me and I feel like I could fly without a frakking plane." Her voice was softer now, and her tears were back, but she let them fall as Lee struggled to hold his at bay.

"And then there are those days when you have a shitty landing or you get clipped by a bogey or some stupid frakker shoots you and I. Want. To. Die." Each word hit him like an arrow, piercing his already sensitive skin and Lee stared in awe as she advanced toward him, eyes full of pain. When they were only inches apart, she stared at him for a moment more and then finally admitted, "I'd rather die, Lee than go through that. I don't want to live life without you."

Lee had never, ever expected to hear something that vulnerable pass through Kara's lips. But he could see the truth to the statement, could tell by the way she had so spectacularly pushed him away this morning, how she had run away from him, from them. It made sense—in the warped mind of Kara Thrace if nowhere else.

But that didn't mean he had to accept it. It didn't mean he was going to.

She was so close he could feel her breath ghosting across his cheek and he had to touch her, to hold her. They could figure this out. He knew they could make it work.

His hand was reaching for her as he murmured, "Kara."

She shook her head sharply and backed away slowly, putting physical distance between them. Each step added another crack to Lee's heart. He felt the pieces falling away.

"No, Lee. I can't do it anymore. I can't live feeling all of that everyday."

He balled his hands into fists once more inspired to take a swing. "So what's the alternative?" he spat out. "Feeling nothing? Leaving Galactica? Marrying Anders?"

She raised her chin slightly and schooled her features. When she spoke there was nothing in her voice that would give anything away. "Yes."

"That's crap." Gods, Lee was going to shake her. Shake her very hard until he dislodged whatever idiotic reasoning had taken hold of her brain.

Kara shrugged and he saw none of the woman before him who had loved him to within an inch of his life the night before. Not even a trace of the girl he loved who had shouted her own affection to the night sky. "It's my life. I made my choice."

"You didn't choose anything." Why was he still fighting? Lee supposed his tenacity was an asset in the cockpit, but at the moment, he wondered if he might just be bordering on pathetic. But if she was determined to make him hurt, then he could do the same. Narrowing his eyes, he stepped forward and accused, "You ran."

He had the sick pleasure of watching her pale, watching her entire body stiffen at the insult. Shaking his head, he went for broke. "I never took you for a coward before, but—"

The sharp sting of her open palm against his cheek startled him. Eyes flashing, he glanced at her, watching her seethe before she simply threw her hands up and backed away.

"Just go, Lee. Please. Don't make this—"

"What?" he demanded. Gods, his cheek hurt. It gave him a bit of a distraction from the frakkin' gaping wound in his chest. "Don't make this hard? Why shouldn't I? Kara, you're killing me."

He had hoped that might reach her, but instead, she sighed and shook her head. "Please, Lee. Let it go." Lifting her eyes to his face, she pleaded, "Let _us_ go."

He had no other words. This was really it; it was over. Less than twelve hours from when it had truly begun Kara had chosen and married another man. In this one moment, Lee wanted to die.

Suddenly wanting nothing more than to never see her again, Lee straightened and stalked back toward the settlement, shoulders back, head held high. As he passed her, he paused for a moment. "This is a mistake and some day you'll see that."

He held her eyes for a second longer and then had to go. He couldn't stay here, couldn't be within her orbit anymore. He was done with Kara Thrace.

As he made his way back to his Raptor, he ignored his father and all but bit Dee's head off. She was trying to reach out to him, but Lee Adama had tasted perfection—and been rejected by it. He wouldn't find solace in the arms of another, even when those arms belonged to a more than willing Dee.

Once the hatch was shut and the pre-flight begun, Lee closed his eyes, doing his damnedest to forget the look of sheer ecstasy on Kara's face last night or the look of sheer despair on her features only a handful of minutes ago.

He did his best to forget the sigh of pleasure she had released as they both came back from the edge or the pained sob of anguish he'd heard as he walked away and left her to her husband.

By the time they docked with the Pegasus, Lee Adama knew he'd never forget any of it.

---- ----

Author's Note No. 2: Okay, here's the thing. This story is actually over 110 pages long. However, in order to keep with the true intent of the "Lee Steps Up" series, I felt I should only post this chapter.

However, I am going to post the story in its entirety (starting with this chapter) under the title: **Captive**. It'll probably be about 10 chapters. It is highly AU and revolves around Kara's capture by Leoben on New Caprica and her rescue. It's a dark one, kiddies, but rest assured, it is Kara and Lee.

Thanks for reading and please, please, please leave me reviews. It helps to fill the long lonely gaps between new episodes of Battlestar.


	5. Demetrius

Series: Lee Steps Up, Part 4 (Final Installment)

Title: Demetrius

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Ron still won't give 'em to me, no matter how many times I ask.

Summary: What if Lee had stepped up at key moments in his relationship with Kara? Takes place during Season 4.0, staring during "Six of One" through "The Road Less Traveled."

A/N: This is the last installment in the "Lee Steps Up" series. I really appreciate everyone's comments and all the people who've given it a chance. I had a great time writing it.

Also, while I had thought "Captive" was completed, I'm beginning to think that in my haste to get it posted, I might have shortchanged the narrative. As a result, I'm going to tweak it a bit. I promise to finish it, but the rest of the story might be a few weeks in coming. Please hang in there!

And enjoy this little Lee/Kara moment!

~TamSibling

----- ----

Lee forced his body to release her, forced himself not to kiss her again.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he promised, still holding her hands in his. "I will."

She nodded and tried to smile, but he saw fear in her eyes. "Play nice with the other delegates," she teased, pulling her hands away to wipe at the wetness on her face.

He didn't say anything, just stared at her a moment longer and whispered, "I'll see you soon."

She nodded and then he forced himself to turn around and walk away. Once he was out of the brig, he found the nearest comm. When Hoshi answered, he told him, "Get me Tom Zarek."

---- ----

Within thirty minutes he was free and clear of his new commitment to the Quorum. Zarek hadn't been happy, of course. Lee guessed the former terrorist had really been hoping he could manipulate an ex-Viper jock into doing just about anything he wanted, but his little puppet had cut his own strings.

He realized he might be trading one set of stings for another, but what did it matter? Kara had been dictating his actions for quite a while now. In truth, he was growing used to it.

Squaring his shoulders, Lee reached his destination and knocked on Helo and Sharon's door. Helo answered.

"Apollo?"

"Can I come in?" he asked, glancing both ways down the hall. He didn't know why he cared if anyone saw him. But he worried he was on borrowed time, that every minute Kara was back was just an illusion and that she'd disappear again and he'd be lost without her. Again.

Helo ushered him in and spun the hatch shut, turning to Lee with a furrowed brow. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I want in."

The taller man looked confused. "In on what?"

"Whatever my father's planning for Kara. I want in on it."

Helo's face betrayed nothing, but Lee trusted his gut. Kara had come back to the fleet with the promise of earth and his father wasn't about to disregard that just because of circumstances. The Admiral had promised them earth years ago and now, with Kara's help, he actually had a chance to deliver. He was going to see this through.

"I don't know what you mean."

Lee frowned. "Helo, I know my father. My guess is, he's looking for a ship, something no one will miss and one with enough space for a couple of vipers and a small crew." Helo quickly averted his eyes and Lee knew he was right.

"Apollo—"

"Look, I'm not telling you to give me details. All I'm saying is, I've got to be on that ship."

With a sigh, Helo took a seat and studied Lee for a handful of minutes. He had no idea what he was looking for, but Lee held his ground. He was going with Kara, wherever that happened to be. Period.

"You're right," the other man finally admitted. "Your dad has asked me to start drumming up volunteers. Of course, one of the first people to sign on was Anders. Kara's husband."

As if Lee needed the reminder. He clenched his jaw wishing his gut reaction to the former pyramid player wasn't blind hatred. Now that Kara was back their shaky friendship was all but done.

"He has every right to be there."

"I don't want the two of you beating each other to a bloody pulp, Lee."

"We won't."

Helo nodded as if satisfied with that answer. "You sure about this?"

"I'm not letting her out of my sight again, Helo." There was compassion and understanding in the other man's eyes and Lee knew Kara's loss had affected him deeply too. "I can't."

"All right." Slapping his hands on his thighs, Helo rose and stuck out his hand. Lee gave it a firm shake. "But I thought you had a date with Tom Zarek and the Quorum?"

"Not any more."

Helo accepted this in stride. "Where can I reach you?"

"Here. I'll find an empty bunk." Lee moved to leave, already feeling more certain than when he'd left Kara an hour ago. Remembering one last thing, he turned around. "Don't tell my father."

Helo smiled. "I wouldn't dream of it. That's one father-son battle I don't want to be a part of."

Lee grinned in return, imaging his father's reaction. It was happy.

Reaching for the hatch, he froze as Gaeta's voice sounded over the comm. "Marines report to the Admiral's quarters. Shots fired. Repeat, Marines to the Admiral's quarters."

Exchanging glances, Lee and Helo charged out of the room, both running flat out.

---- ----

As he approached his father's quarters, the sound he heard didn't make sense. It was Kara, Kara in distress and he didn't understand. Didn't understand why she would be here or … Oh Gods, shots fired … please, no.

He turned the last corner and saw her, struggling against a few marines, screaming at the top of her lungs, begging his father to listen to her, yelling that she wasn't a Cylon.

"You have to trust me!" Her voice cracked with desperation and Lee rushed to her side. She was thrashing wildly, giving the Marines more than enough to handle.

"Hold on," he ordered, glad the guards ignored his recent discharge from the military and obeyed. He could feel Helo's intense stare over his shoulder and he glanced back to the other man. "Go check on the Admiral." Helo nodded and took off at a run again.

Crouching before Kara, Lee reached for her face, stilling her wild movements by cupping her cheeks. "Kara, look at me."

Whether she wouldn't or couldn't, Lee wasn't sure. She just kept murmuring, "I've been to earth. I've seen it."

Pushing sweaty hair off her forehead, Lee used his most commanding tone. "Captain. Atten-shun!"

Her eyes found some focus, finally swiveling to his face. It took her another thirty seconds to actually understand what she was seeing. "Lee?"

"Kara, what happened?"

Tears welled in her eyes and she reached for him. Lee took her by the shoulders, nodding to the guards to let her go. They did so reluctantly.

"We keep jumping farther and farther away," she told him, hands clutching at his suit jacket. "I can't …" She stifled a sob and swallowed hard. "I can't hear it anymore."

"Hear what?" Lee had no idea how he could help her, what he could do, he just knew he had to stay with her.

"The way to earth." She slumped against him, boneless and murmured, "I can't hear it."

Lee stroked her hair as she melted into him. What if she had come back different? Relying on a song that no one else could here as a navigational guide? It didn't make sense. He had told his father he didn't care if she was a Cylon and that was the Gods' honest truth. Of course, he didn't believe she was, but …

"Lee?"

Turning his head slightly, he caught sight of his father, anger and confusion clouding his face. "What the frak do you think you're doing?" he hissed, charging forward, attempting to wrench Kara away from him. Lee held tight though and Kara stayed in his embrace.

Rising, he brought her with him and she leaned all her weight against him. He was a little ashamed to realize how good it felt to hold her.

"What do you think _you're_ doing?" he asked in response. "Kara is not a criminal."

Lowering his voice, his father bit out, "We don't know what she is. All I know is that she just held a gun on the President."

Lee's heart stopped for a second and he swallowed hard. "Is she all right?"

Adama nodded. "Yes. Apparently, Kara turned the gun over to her and dared Roslin to shoot her."

His heartbeat skyrocketed. "Did she?"

"Yes."

"What?"

Lee pulled Kara back from him quickly, doing a quick inventory of her body, looking for the blood. But he couldn't find it.

"S'okay, Lee," she murmured, foggy eyes meeting his. "She missed." She giggled then, the sound disconcerting and Lee turned accusatory eyes to his father.

"I don't even … I don't understand you," he ground out.

Adama had the good sense to appear slightly mollified. "What are you still doing here?"

"I resigned from the Quorum." That was all Lee was willing to say and luckily, Cottle and his med team arrived, diverting everyone's attention.

"Was anyone hurt?" the older man asked, scanning the hallway.

"No," Adama answered. "But Laura's pretty shaken. I was hoping you'd take a look."

Cottle nodded, but as he passed Lee, he caught his arm. "Kara needs to sleep. Can you give her something?"

The major's eyes darted between the Old Man, his son and Starbuck, uncertainty on his face. Frowning, Cottle looked to the Old Man. "Admiral. With your permission?"

Lee tensed, waiting for his father to deny her. Reluctantly, the Old Man nodded. "Fine, but she goes back to the brig."

"I'm going with her," Lee stated, wanting to make certain everyone understood precisely where his loyalties were.

His father studied him for a second and then shook his head, disappointment evident in every line of his face. "Fine." Glancing to the guard, he said, "Escort them both back to the brig. Give them the same cell."

Lee kept his arm around Kara and helped her walk, flanked on both sides by a marine contingent.

---- ----

Once Cottle looked in on the president, he came down to the brig and administered the sedative to Kara. Truthfully, Lee wasn't so sure she still needed it. She hadn't truly come back to herself since he'd found her in the hallway. Any attempt to engage her in conversation only resulted in more confused mumbling.

At one point, he thought she had recognized him, but he realized she was simply replaying their last conversation together—the one before she'd flown into the mandala. Hearing her ask him to let her go again almost brought tears to his eyes.

Lee slept on and off. Cottle had told him she'd probably be out for at least six hours, and every moment he was awake, he felt the inexorable ticking of the clock.

Of course, as she was sleeping, he finally had time to look at her, really see her. She looked the same as before she'd left. Her hair was longer, but other than that, nothing was different.

Sitting on the floor at the head of her cot, Lee reached out and swept a piece of hair off her face. She sighed softly and turned toward him and Lee stared unabashedly. She was never this quiet or calm in real life. She was always on the move, always careening from one fight, one flight, one frak to the next. He marveled at her current stillness.

"Apollo?"

Lee turned to find Anders standing at the bars, his eyes darting between Kara and him. With a sigh, Lee rose and stepped toward him. "Anders."

"How is she?"

He knew Sam was concerned, knew that the other man loved Kara, but Lee still felt a wave of jealousy whenever he was near. "Resting." He eyed Sam's face and saw the bruise blooming along his brow. "How are you?" He'd gotten a rough replay of the sequence of events from one of the marines.

Sam shrugged. "She didn't really put anything behind it. Otherwise, I'd probably be dead."

Lee smiled tightly at Sam's attempt at humor, but another tense silence quickly fell between them.

Finally, he leaned forward, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Look, I know Kara and I are over. And I know you're coming with us." Anders glanced to his feet and then looked back to Lee, real worry in his eyes. "I just want Kara to be all right. I was worried about her before she … before she disappeared. And I'm still worried about her."

With a small grimace, Apollo nodded. "So am I."

---- ----

Kara awoke slowly, arms and legs aching. She could tell, even before she opened her eyes, that she was back in the brig; the light was too bright to be anyplace else.

"Hey there, sleepy head."

She blinked quickly and Lee's face came into focus. He was sitting next to her cot, their heads level. She couldn't believe he was there.

"What are you …" She sat up and Lee rose, sitting beside her. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, hello to you too." He grinned. Kara found herself distrustful of her own senses; Lee shouldn't be here.

"Did I suffer a severe blow to the head I don't remember?" His grin deepened and Kara reminded him, "You're supposed to be flying Zarek's wing."

He shuddered at her turn of phrase causing her to smile. "Okay, one, that's still not funny, and two, my plans have changed."

Confused, Kara felt her body tense. Something had to be wrong. There was no way the Gods were going to let her have Lee back, not after all she'd done. Not after pulling a gun on the president.

"Changed how?"

Reaching for her hands, Kara surrendered them to him, grateful for the contact, the warmth they provided. "Wherever you're going, I'm going with you."

Her eyes widened and Kara pulled away from him. "Why?"

Lee reached for her again, but she kept her hands to herself and backed up, rising swiftly and retreating across the small space. Lee's brow furrowed, but he didn't follow her and Kara was glad for the distance.

"Kara, I … Do you really need me to tell you?"

She had a sinking suspicion he was acting out of some misguided sense of duty. "Lee, I don't want you throwing away your future because you feel obligated. It's not your fault I flew into that mandala, it's not your fault I disappeared. You don't need to look after me."

He was off the cot and standing before her in a second. "Kara, that's not what this is about. I just …" He took a deep breath, hands resting on her shoulders and though she wanted to move away, she just couldn't give up the contact. "I can't let you go again."

"Lee," she breathed, uncertain how to process his confession. She knew he loved her, that he hadn't stopped despite their pathetic attempts at marriage to other people. She hadn't stopped loving him either. And she was pretty certain he knew that as well.

Lifting a hand to his face, she waited until his eyes were back on hers and then leaned forward to place a gentle kiss to his lips. "Thank you," she whispered, before wrapping her arms around him.

She sighed in content as he embraced her in return. This hug was different from their desperate one a few hours before. She allowed herself to relax this time, knowing that Lee didn't have somewhere else to be. Knowing that he was going to stay with her. That at least for a while, she'd be safe. She finally felt like she was home.

---- ----

Demetrius: Day 15

---- ----

Lee knocked before entering Kara's quarters, not surprised when she didn't answer. She barely spoke or interacted with anyone on board, including him, except to ask for more information, more data that she could pore over and hope it showed her the way to earth.

He set the food tray down on the desk and watched her. She sat in the middle of the floor, a dozen maps fanned around her. Her hair was messy, pulled back in a loose ponytail, a pencil between her lips as she sifted through a few papers covered with hand written equations.

She was always mumbling to herself. When he was close enough to make it out, he could decipher some of what she said, but not all. Occasionally, he heard course headings and navigation terms; sometimes he heard a name, often ones he'd never heard before. Most of the time though, her murmuring was a constant lull, something he was beginning to grow accustomed to.

The rest of the crew, save Helo and maybe Anders, believed that Kara had finally gone round the bend. Lee knew that wasn't the case. He knew she was aware of what was happening, knew that she recognized his presence at various times. But those moments were starting to become more rare and it scared him. She was slipping away. The whole reasons he'd come was to keep her grounded and yet he knew she was getting farther from him every day.

Kneeling at the edge of her paper circle, he called softly, "Kara?"

She cocked her head in his direction, but didn't acknowledge him. With a sigh, Lee bowed his head and counted to ten before trying again. "Kara? It's time to eat."

"Not hungry," she muttered, turning away from him to study another map.

Lee knew that couldn't be true. She hadn't eaten for two days and she hadn't slept for three. This was typical behavior for the past two weeks. Kara would push herself until she couldn't possibly last another minute, then choke down some food and crawl into her rack where she'd sleep for four hours, maybe. It pained Lee to see her pushing herself so hard.

She was going to break—even Starbuck couldn't keep up this pace forever.

Taking big steps, Lee crossed into her circle and kneeled behind her. Placing a hand to her back, she jumped, turning to face him with wide eyes. "Kara, it's time to stop for a while. You need to eat and then you need to sleep."

She shook her head furiously. "No, I might miss something. It's so hard to hear."

She tried to turn away from him again, but Lee took her by the arms and held her firm. "No, Kara. You have to take a break."

Her eyes were accusatory, but her stomach gave a loud growl and they both heard it. Cocking his head toward her, she sighed heavily and then shrugged him off, before standing and crossing to the food.

Lee watched her go, and sighed as she swiped a packet of crackers off the tray before stepping over piles of star charts to reach her bunk. Kicking off her boots, she took a vicious bite out of the crackers and flopped onto her back. "Happy?" she ground out.

"No." Her frown grew even deeper and Lee crossed to her, bringing the water from the tray. As he sat beside her, Kara edged away from him. He sighed again.

"Kara, take a drink, please?"

She begrudgingly took the cup and tossed the water back, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. "Get going if you want me to sleep," she told him, waving him toward the door.

"How about I go once you're asleep?" he challenged knowing that the minute he left she'd be back at work. This constant battle between them—him wanting her to eat, sleep, take a few breaks, her refusing at every turn—was becoming commonplace as well.

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes and turned onto her side, facing the interior of the bunk. Lee switched off the nearest light and then, realizing he was pretty much taking his life in his hands, lay down behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and tucking his knees to the back of hers.

Her entire body tensed the minute he hit the bunk. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure you get some sleep." Propping his head up on one arm, he took his other hand and began stroking her hair. "Just rest, Kara. Just for a little while."

She swatted at his hand and then flopped onto her back, glaring at him. "Why are you doing this? I thought you said you were coming along to help me."

"I am, Kara." Leaning down, he brushed a kiss over her lips. "I'm saving you from yourself."

"I don't need a frakkin' nanny, Lee."

"Maybe you do." She could make him as angry as she wanted, but he wasn't leaving until he knew she'd gotten a few hours of shuteye. "Now, just go to sleep. The sooner you sleep, the sooner you can get back to work."

He lied down beside her again, an arm around her waist whether for comfort or to ensure she didn't escape he wasn't sure.

Lee studied her profile, her wide eyes staring at the top of the bunk, her chest rising and falling with each breath. Gradually, he saw her eyes begin to droop, taking longer and longer to reopen and he felt some of the tension ease out of her body.

Soon, her eyes closed and her breathing deepened. But just to make sure, Lee stayed and watched over her.

And then, with a heavy heart, but a healthy respect for Kara's temper, he woke her four hours later.

---- ----

Demetrius: Day 58

---- ----

She had wanted to fly and Lee wasn't going to stop her. It was the most interest she'd shown in any of their recent routes and he was happy to see some of the fire back in her eyes.

He stayed on the command deck with Helo, listening to her and Hot Dog as they flew a standard recon pattern. She sounded okay, a little strained maybe, tense, but that was to be expected. Time was running out and they had yet to find earth.

Leoben's voice, sounding over the comm. was as unwelcome as it was unexpected. That frakker. What the hell did he want? Did Kara really think he was here to broker a truce?

Of course, she let him dock. And of course, she listened to him spew more lies. It was when she ordered him taken to her quarters—their quarters—that he lost his shit.

Grabbing her by the elbow, he bodily shoved her into the nearest corridor.

"What the frak?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded, meeting her irate stare with one of his own.

"He can help us, Lee. He's here to help."

"You don't know that." Lee ran his hands through his hair, trying to think of a way to reason with her. Considering that Kara rarely, if ever, did anything reasonable, he figured he was in for a challenge. "For all we know he's here to frak with your mind again. Have you forgotten what happened on New Caprica?"

Her features paled in a second and while some of the anger left her, her voice was still hard as steel as she told him, "I haven't forgotten a minute of New Caprica or what he did. But he …" She paused, glancing away from him and Lee watched her fight an internal battle, eyes betraying her doubt.

"He was with me, Lee. Before."

Confused, he pressed her. "What do you mean? Before?"

"The mandala. He guided me through it."

All the rage Lee had felt toward Leoben tripled with that one statement. With barely another thought, he charged back to the Cylon, slamming him up against the nearest bulkhead, his hand at his throat.

"You frakker! What the hell do you want with her?"

With that damnable patience that seemed to be a trait of his model, Leoben smiled. "The hybrid. Kara needs to see the hybrid. It is part of her journey."

He heard Kara yelling at him to let the Cylon go, but Lee didn't care. Leaning close, he whispered, "The same journey that required her to die?"

With one last squeeze, Lee dropped him, shrugging off Kara's hands as she pulled at him. He couldn't be in the same room with that monster—or with Kara—for another second.

---- ----

"What are you doing to me?"

Lee listened to Kara's anguished question as she sat with Leoben. He kept running off at the mouth, telling her she needed to make peace with things, telling her she was different. When he told her she appeared to be an angel, Lee gripped the small figure she had given him almost two months ago in the brig.

Aurora, goddess of the dawn. Could that Cylon possibly be right? Had Kara come back different? Enlightened in a way she had never been before? Was she really the goddess of dawn, the harbinger of first light, sent to show the fleet the way? Lee's faith wasn't that solid and he had a hard time believing Kara's destiny had required that they be separated for two months.

The room beyond went silent and Lee waited until she emerged. She appeared not to notice him, her eyes focused front, not paying any attention to her surroundings.

"Kara?"

He placed a light hand to her arm, waiting for her to face him before continuing. "I'm sorry, about before. I didn't mean to lose it."

She blinked once as if she didn't understand and then she stepped close to him and buried her head against the top of his chest. "I'm not going to find it, Lee."

As opposed to the fiery woman who had begun this journey, Kara sounded broken and his arms came around her on instinct. She sighed softly as he gently stroked her back and he pulled her closer. "I don't know what I'm doing."

He pressed a kiss to her temple and just held her for a while. She pressed her forehead into his neck and Lee moved one hand to her hair, running his fingers through the ever-lengthening strands.

"It'll be okay, Kara."

She pulled back and smirked at him before she made a slow, weary path to their quarters. "No, it won't."

He followed her, waiting until they were alone before even trying to speak with her.

She kneeled on their bunk, staring at the mural she had worked so diligently on over the past few weeks. It was a thing of beauty and it pained Lee that it would never hang in a museum. That only he and maybe a few others knew how talented Kara was, how attuned to color and feelings she must be to paint such remarkable pieces of art.

Crossing to the bunk, he sat next to her, fishing the small angel out of his pocket. Staring at it for a second, he nudged her arm and then held it up for her. "Here."

She sank down onto her heels and took it, stifling a gasp when she realized what it was. "You told me to give it back to you one day," he reminded her. "It seemed like the right time."

She nodded, her eyes welling with a few tears, before she met his gaze, doubt and uncertainty the only emotions he could read in her eyes. "Who am I, Lee?"

Her expression broke his heart. "You're Kara Thrace."

"Am I?" She turned the small statue over in her hands, fingers tracing the wings, the face, the feet. "I died. For two months I was gone and now I'm back. How can you be sure—"

He reached for her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in tight to his side. "I'm sure."

With a heavy sigh, she murmured. "I'm not."

He had no response for that and so instead, he drew her down to lie beside him. She came willingly, her head pillowed on his chest, one hand still clutching the figurine. "I know I shouldn't have let him on board," she finally admitted in a whisper. "But if I go back to the fleet with nothing …" She paused and Lee felt her swallow hard. "I can't go back to the Old Man with nothing."

Lee sighed. Unfortunately, he suspected she was right. All the people who had demanded her head on a platter before would just be more adamant if she returned empty-handed. Not that he'd ever let it come to that, but still … he didn't relish the idea of facing an angry mob.

"You want to see the hybrid." It wasn't a question.

She nodded. "I think I have to. I think she can help. I don't know how or why, but … I just do."

He knew that would have to be good enough. He knew none of the others would want to risk it. Their rendezvous deadline with the fleet was fast approaching. Taking a side trip to a Cylon basestar wouldn't go over well. It didn't matter. If that's where Kara needed to go, that's where she'd go.

With him.

"Get some sleep, Kara. We'll talk to Helo in a few hours."

She didn't answer him, but he heard her sigh with what he thought was relief. "Thank you," she whispered into the silence. Tipping his head down to look at her, he saw pure gratitude swimming in her eyes. "I'm really glad you're here," she admitted before leaning forward to press a kiss to his mouth.

Lee returned it gladly, but resisted the urge to take it further. Traveling into enemy territory meant they had to be at the ready and that meant they needed rest. Parting for air, Lee pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead and murmured, "I'm really glad too."

With another sigh, Kara settled in beside him and was soon fast asleep—while Lee stayed awake, praying to the Gods Kara believed in for help.

---- ----


End file.
